a bottega belly

Bottega Louie
700 S Grand Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90017
(866) 418-9162
http://www.bottegalouie.com/

price: $$
verdict: omg, i love it!

i have awesome friends. you know why? cuz they are belly supporters. they brought me to bottega louie for a nice belated bday dinner and i was able to stuff face like a sumo wrestler in the middle of the week. arigato tomodachis. arigato!

it was such a relief to be let out of my cage from an already long work day. i took out my camera and embarassed my tomodachis with a few snaps of people working hard when i got there. haha suckas! make the food and feed me! cute atmosphere and i loved the open space. we went when it was still light out but i heard the space glows when it's at night...must be the gigantic windows, white walls, and candle lights.

a nice glass of chardonney to drown out the work week woes. this is how all bad behaviors start...drinking to unwind, drinking so you can whine, drinking wine....it did the trick though because my tongue loosened and i did what i do best, talk nonsense LOUDLY.

the enthusiastic eaters around me ordered up a storm and i'm so glad we did! we started off with portobello fries which were sliced portobello mushrooms dipped in a light batter then fried. a creamy aioli (?) dip was provided to bolster up the fat grams. it was pretty good.

one word: cellulite.

the burrata and grape tomatoes turned out to be fresh mozzarella cheese stuffed with ricotta cheese on a bed of pesto with grape tomatoes. mmm good, though the cheese stuffed with cheese reminded me of a turduken lactate style. it seemed like a fat move to me and WHO was the cheese lover that created this?!

the haricots verts (french green beans) were delicious. i don't exactly know what made them french though i did say "weee, weee" after my first bite. they were crispy and "green" tasting and reminded me of a breezy summer day.

fried calamari. of course! you can never go wrong with calamari and marinara sauce.

the bianco pizza. a sauceless pizza with "rocket" arugula. VERY tasty. i loved it like a rabbit with fine tastes. i thought the crust was pretty incredible with the right crisp, crunch, and soft breadiness. the spice from the arugula chopped through the cheesy topping like a ninja. for a person that don't care much for pizza, i kinda cared for this one. very good!

penne gamber: jumbo shrimps, broccoli, roasted tomatoes in a garlic sauce. the sauce was pretty tasty and a friend took bread and wiped up all the sauce with it once the plate was emptied. do you think he liked it? not sure. need to check the dribble stains first.

roasted chicken. tender and juicy!

then off to the bakery section to take a few sweets to go. my eyes grew large and i wanted to buy one of everything, but the extra flap under my chin reminded me about "moderation."

i still came home with a few things though and out of the sweet loot, the eclair was my favorite followed by the mini blueberry tart. the cream was what pushed it over the top. the vanilla flavors...the vanilla flavors!! how i love thy creaminess!

the macarons were illin'. not off the chain illin'...more like, ill, i want to spit it out illin'. the nuclear bright pieces of ewww were way too sweet and out of all the flavors (i bought one of each), the light tan one was the most tasty even though it still belonged in the illin' category. i believe it was vanilla flavored.....

great space, yummy food, and awesome company. it's been a long time since i've enjoyed a nice wednesday like this one. ARIGATO TOMODACHIS!

a fried up birthday

Salt Creek Grille
760 S Sepulveda Blvd
El Segundo, CA 90245
(310) 335-9288
www.saltcreekgrille.com/

price: $$
verdict: tasty, try it!

i typically don't make much of a fuss over my birthday. actually, i find it rather acceptable to commerate the day i bursted out of my momma's womb by curling myself up on my bed, sucking on my ensure milkshake, while eating my fiber bar (to keep me regular in my advancing age that is). birthdays are not so fun...really.

this year, my friend ripped the plastic bottle of ensure from my liver spotted hands and asked me where i wanted to celebrate my special day. many people may feel tempted to rape a wallet or two when they hear that they are getting treated, but NOT me. no. i asked my belly what it needed and it hollered back, "I WANT FRIES FOR MY BIRTHDAY! YAY!" to top that off, i had WILLINGLY given up 2 months of deep fried foods in the spirit of making healthy eating choices and decided to fall off the wagon with some crackalicious garlic fries at salt creek grille. quickly, i was whisked away when i verbalized my wish.

we started off with a basket of the cracky fries. beautiful, thin, shoestring fries, sprinkled with garlic and parmesean cheese slivers. i loved the crunchiness of these fries and i inhaled these tubers as if lucifer had sole control over my mouth and my belly. they were indeed sooooooo very gooooooood and i quickly ate every morsel.

i then ordered their kobe beef burger with humboldt cheese on a hawaiian sweet roll. the kobe patty was thick, moist, and juicy. every bite i took was savory and sweet all rolled into one. the spice from the arugala also gave the burger a nice kick but the sucker was huge and my belly was full of fries. alas, i did not finish my burger.

the dinner ended with a trio of desserts: fruit cobbler, creme brulee, and a chocolate flourless cake. tasty, but not noteworthy. it was a sweet end to a most greasy birthday dinner. *burp* happy birthday to me...yes, to dusty ole me.

lactating at milk

Milk
7290 Beverly Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90046
(323) 939-6455
http://www.themilkshop.com/

price: $
verdict: omg, i love it!

i must not be lactating enough because i found myself gorging on milk quite recently to maintain my jugs for future feeders. to me, milk means calcium, which means strong bones, which means healthy living and there is no better place that screams HEALTHY LIVING than milk.

my uber healthy meal started with a shared prosciutto and provolone pressed sandwich. i read somewhere (in a medical journal perhaps) that large amounts of salt is good for the body and i sure found that in this sammich! every bite of this prosciutto sammich was a salt lick. i only took a few bites before i gave up on it. their herb roasted chicken breast sammich that i had at another sitting is the tastier choice by far.

i then delved into the sugary side of this healthy lifestyle with a banana split chaser to my salt lick sammich. wowzers. this is perhaps one of the best renditions of an old school banana split i've had in a while. the ice cream (vanilla, chocolate, and banana) were full bodied and creamy, the fudge was warm and gooey, the freshly whipped cream was piled high on the dish which left soft kisses on your lips when you spooned the ice cream into your pie hole. the split was nutty and banana-y with the traditional cherry on top to remind you of its healthy aspects. this split was truly lip smacking.

it was also mandatory that we order a slice of their infamous blueberry blue velvet cake. just as i remembered, the ratio of moist cake to cream cheese frosting was perfect. the baked in blueberries gave a nice tartness to the surrounding sweetness. but true to form, when i went home that night, i pooped out some smurfs. i must admit, i was a bit disgusted by this second go at the porcelain throne and may not indulge myself in anymore future smurf cake. god knows it's not natural to have blue poop.

the heavy, yet healthy dinner was wrapped up with three ice cream bon bons at .50 cents a piece. i thought they were "ok" and was not impressed by them at all. i think as a self proclaimed ice cream whore, it is vital that i get more than just a bite. the only thing these bon bons did was make me desirous of their ice cream sammies....another excuse for me to go back i guess.

a sinfully decadent banana cream tart was brought home for enjoyment as well. the creamy banana center had fresh chunks of bananas. it was topped with freshly whipped cream and every bit of the gooeyness was held in with thick slabs of chocolate highly reminiscent of chocolate truffles. i COULD NOT eat more than a few bites of this as well at one sitting and the tart remained in my fridge for a few days, slowly enjoyed and cherished.

it is clear that if i want to live long, i have to patronize milk on a regular basis.

was it grand at granville?

Granville Cafe
807 Americana Way
Glendale, CA 91210
(818) 550-0472
http://www.granvillecafe.com/

price: $$
verdict: it's aight

it is a goddamn waste of food to eat when you are sick. instead of feeding my germ ridden pie hole that can't differentiate between tar and peanut butter, i could have taken this food to feed an orphan. i heard oliver is still a tad hungry but alas it was wasted on my sickly bum instead.

anyways, a preplanned meeting with some of my golden girls meant a quick visit to granville cafe at the americana for dinner. there were no particular reasons why it was chosen other than the basic requirements of ample parking, shopping options for the early comers, and a diverse menu for us gaggle of geese to choose from. it's like a cpk but not really, a grand lux cafe kind of, a macaroni grille sort of...you get my point. it's like all the prefabbed eateries out there that screams out "chain restaurant" and tries to pass itself off as "classier eats" for the young ones to impress their dates. i think not. i am not young nor am i impressionable.

we started off with one of their "shareables," the mac and cheese. not exactly sure of the flavors because of my deadened tastebuds, i can however, comment on the texture. the mac was soft and cheesy but the croutons interspersed throughout the dish gave it a good crunch. i can also comment on it visually...do these macs look like engorged maggots to you? i thought they did but i spooned them in my pie hole like a good little asian girl. besides, i didn't eat at all that day and it logically made sense to put some grub in my bod.

if my tastbuds were in top form, i would have ordered their burger. i heard that it is a kickass piece ole meat and the flavors secreted from this burger bite would make love to your tongue. since i was too deadened to pursue any love making, i decided to go for their chicken bleu cheese pizza. it is topped with grilled chicken, bleu cheese, ham, red onions, pine nuts, and a basil leaf to keep it sophisticated. again, i am not the best judge of what i ate, but i recall intensely sweet and intensely salty pockets of flavors from the pizza. i recall i didn't like it so much. i also recall that granville sucks. i recall i need to tell my friends who avoid places without ample parking that a big parking lot does not equate to good flavors. i believe denny's has a big ole parking lot.

banh mi, not bang me

Ba Le
1426 S Atlantic Blvd
Alhambra, CA 91803
(626) 308-3003

price: $
verdict: it's aight

there are some days when the vietnamese side of me body yells out "banh mi (vietnamese sammich)!" when i'm hungry. it's usually the side that has the darker tan which is my left side. anyways, my typical haunts use to be this vietnamese sandwich place in chinatown, but upgrading from a bus pass means being able to search for FARTHER banh mi eats as i putz around in my tin can of a car. yesterday, i ventured as far as alhambra for my banh mi. oh yea, this belly travels a lot. sarcastic?

i've always walked by ba le when i go to this tropical fish store to get my koi fishes. in an attempt for my belly to meet its next post, i decided to check it out and see what the fuss was all about up in ba le. besides, i was sold by the eiffel tower on the sign. seems like someone is trying so hard!

the banh mi menu seems pretty diverse but it didn't matter because i immediately zoned in on sammich #2, "dac biet." in commie language, that means "special."

so i ordered myself a dac biet which in my opinion is the best commie sammie out there, but on a split second fat move, i also decided to order the bbq beef sammie to share. for roughly $2.75 a sammich i was pretty sure i could afford it.

if you were to deconstruct a banh mi, you will find the typical pickled carrots, pickled daikon, cucumber slices, chili pepper slices, head cheese, vietnamese ham, mayo, in a crusty french baguette, and PATE (pronounced "ba de"). holy crap i LOVE pate. so creamy and liverwursty. typically, the deliciousness of a bahn mi in my universe is directly correlated to the amount of pate it has. the more pate, the more partay in me pie hole. ba le's sammich had a nice serving of pate, but the ham and head cheese were sparse and sliced VERY thinly. i consider it more like meat paper in a ba le sammie.

the bbq beef sammich was a tad bit better, but i warn you the marinade for these bbq beef balls is super sweet. if you do not like candied meat like i do, then you will probably think it's disgusting. i was told by my friend that ate the other half that it was puke inducing. *shrug* anyways, this banh mi has the same condiments as the dac biet minus the pate and paper meats.

i wouldn't say this is a great banh mi shop at all. heck, the bread ain't all that and the fillings were so so. next time, i'm going to head straight for the koi man and will not stop for a banh mi here, no matter how loudly my vietnamese side yells for a sammie from the motherland.

willy wonking it

Robitaille's Fine Candies
900 Linden Ave
Carpinteria, CA 93013
(805) 684-9340

price: $
verdict: tasty, try it!

god cursed me with a big ass but luckily did not dole out a double whammy by making me diabetic as well. sweet baby jesus that would suck so much given how often my sweet tooth aches. seriously, i seek out sweets like a cougar seeks out her young, succulent baby skinned prey. every day, all the time baby.

while up in carpenteria (you know, the carpet making capital of the world), i found robitaille's fine candies. it is a sleepy town for sure and a jolt of sweetness was just what the doctor ordered! it is a cute space with tons of candy ranging from chocolatey to fruity to gummy to yummy. they also have a huge selection of sugar free candy but i didn't touch that shit. nothing but processed sugar for this sweet temple that is my body.

baskets of cavities. can ya feel me?!

i bought myself a few bags of goodies, enough to satiate the sugar beast that resided in my pork belly. besides, i have the bad habit of eating with my eyes and tend to overorder or overbuy when it comes to food because i really want to taste everything but am wise enough not to always stuff face if i can help it. i seriously need to befriend a fellow sugar junkie so i can split my poisons.

the "inaugural mints" you see in the back are pretty tasty. they remind me of the green /brown andes mints that you can get at a grocery store. they are not as minty, but still creamy and delicious. i saw this woman grab 10 boxes while i was there so i was persuaded on the spot. i would totally get a box again though i would go for the smaller size since they taste old pretty quick.

my favorite was the assortment of salt water taffy. i particularly liked the banana inspired ones and my inner monkey was impressed by the banana fragrance that greeted my tongue. the chocolate mint balls reminded me of rx at ucla so i had to grab a bag as well. nothing tops sweet candy memories! the worse of the bunch were these, stale old shoes masquerading as butter cashew brittle. how pissed was i when i bit into the brittle and found out it was a fucked up confectioner's nightmare.

i don't plan to find myself in carpenteria often, but when i do, i will probably drop by robitaille for some sweet, sweet loving. it is especially sweet because of the old lady that runs it.

a potato of a burrito

Corner Cottage
310 S Victory Blvd
Burbank, CA 91502
(818) 843-2567

price: $
verdict: it's aight

here's an obscene collection of breakfast burrito lovers waiting in line at the corner cottage. this small establishment is owned and operated by two asian brothers and apparently, they make a mean breakfast burrito. who would have thunk that soy sauce could turn into burrito gold? this little cottage is well known in burbank so this is the typical scene on a saturday. do get in line or else you will get cut off at 11am, NO EXCEPTIONS. you can try to flash some boobies, but that will still get you nowhere fast.

so i ordered my steak b.b. to go and drove myself and charlie, aka doo doo head, to lake hollywood so he could romp with other dawgs while i enjoyed my meal. how fancy we be!

looking cute there doo doo head!

as charlie sniffed ass and poo, i was admiring this burrito log, tightly wrapped with high expectations because it took TWO saturdays finally to get a taste of it (the previous saturday failed because we got there 15 minutes after 11. boo hoo).

after a few bites, i pictured mr. potato head, kidnapped then wrapped up in a tortilla shell. That’s what a corner cottage breakfast burrito is, even though they claim that there are other fillings inside like steak, bacon, egg, or cheese. whatevers liars. the "other" ingredients were completely eclipsed by the massive amounts of tuber stuffed inside this tortilla shell. the carb whore part of me thought it was grand, but my tastebuds wondered "does this a great breakfast burrito make?"

alas no. a breakfast burrito should have a perfect harmony of eggs, hash browns, cheese, and protein...mashed up and bound in a soft tortilla shell. there was no symphony in my mouth as i consumed this carb heavy burrito that day. it was but another sad song for my unsatisfied belly.

i'm turning korean i really think so

Jun Won
3100 W 8th St#101
Los Angeles, CA 90005
(213) 383-8855

price: $$
verdict: it's aight

a second tryst with korean food in a week. holy goguchang! in a rare meeting with fellow food bloggers and food supporters, i found myself at jun won yesterday hammering down a lot of korean seafood dishes while in the company of steve of infinite fress aka "silverlake hater" and sook of yutangsah aka "shit cracker." tony from sinosoul was there as well as other food lovas but since they sat at the other table, you know how that goes...in high school that means we are from opposite gangs and if you look at me, i might have to cut you bitch.

the meal started off with an awesome banchan. clearly deprived of a glory, glory hallelujah banchan experience, i was floored that there were so many, so tasty, so different. my favorite was the candy masking itself as marinated cuttlefish. i could have eaten that till the cows came home. moo bessie mooooooooo......

sook was kind enough to order the following dishes for us with recommendations from the owner. ahh, pork and kimchee. deliciously red and porky. think of it like a miss piggy in chris de burgh's song "lady in red."

cod fish. soft flesh sitting on top of radishes piled with mounds of green onions. it was tasty though saucy. this is probably my favorite dish out of the bunch.

seafood pancake. ack! mushy. mushy makes me think of flacid penises and yesterday, there was a whole platter of it. and the sad attempt at a "crispy" crust did not provide enough contrast to save all the flacid penises in the world. no bueno.

and here's the minnow dish? minnow? or min oh? not sure because i don't recall minnow being that big unless they were on steroids and played major league baseball. these pan fried minnows were good though not great. a bit too dry for my tastes and not enough flesh to entice my chopsticks back to it. besides, the other table "borrowed" it and eventually it was forgotten by us.

looking at this spread once again, it does look rather tasty, though i probably wouldn't come back again. i love hole in the wall eateries but this one did not speak to me much. all it said was "meh, i need to perfect some of these dishes." good times though and thanks foodies for another belly aching experience.