i'll gladly pay you tuesday for the park burger today

this weak economy has facilitated some sweet baby jesus deals for the belly. if you keep your eyes peeled, i'm sure you've seen a few good ones and perhaps partaken in a fair amount. i am definitely of the mindset that frugality during these harsh economic times DOES NOT mean that one has to give up on dining out altogether. eating out just means you have to be smart about it, and one of the BEST deals i've run across by far is $5 burger night at the park in echo park. oh man, this deal is good.

the process is quite simple and a tad bit easier than building a rocket. first, you choose between either the park burger (6 oz. sirloin) or a veggie burger as the "base burger." the burger comes with lettuce, tomatoes, and a choice of sides; thin french fries, side salad, coleslaw, or potato salad. if you want just the basic, then you're set. $5 baby.

if you want to dress up your burger a bit, you can choose to adorn your patty with a myriad of delicious toppings priced between $1 - $2. i chose to top my "the park burger" with the ever healthy crispy onion strings. 2 words. FREAKIN' TASTY. bad for the heart? yup. but let me restate, FREAKIN' TASTY. the side of skinny french fries were also delectably crunchy and should not be replaced with a wimpy side salad.

the absolutely affordable burger deal allowed my dining partner and i to take this deal one step further by ordering the watermelon and feta appetizer ($8). we were pleasantly surprised by the taste combi of the refreshing red and yellow watermelon slices, the creamy balsamic vinegar dressing, crumbled feta cheese, pickled onion ribbons, and chunks of avocado and basil. it was hard to stop and i loved every bite of it. delicious!

ahhh, a burger in one hand, a glass of redart ($7) in another, and a refreshing serving of watermelon salad and i was sooooooooo set. this delicious, value conscious deal left me full and burping for more. shall i just say that my wednesday nights are booked for the next few months. yup.

The Park
1400 Sunset Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90026
(213) 482-9209

www.thepark1400sunset.com

price: $$
verdict: omg, i love it!

no whoa mommy for umami

a friend's belated birthday celebration was a great excuse for me to pimp umami burger on him. after all, it's been blogged and yelped about like a two penny harlot and the feeling that everybody has tried umami except for me made me feel so uncool. luckily, the birthday boy enthusiastically agreed to this selfish plan of mine so all six of us headed towards umami on hollywood (which i believe took the space of the once there cobras y matadors) to celebrate his advancement in age and his flirtations with senility. parking around the area was not too difficult cuz we ate mad early like senior citizens but i can see how tough it might be during prime dining hours. it is los feliz-ish after all so you know how that goes.

once inside, we sat in a near empty dining area. the decor was not at all attractive to me. sure you have hiragana on the walls....and??? i don't read japanese, but i'm guessing this particular wall just instructed us on how to assemble a shelf unit for our walk-in closet.

before i sat down, i already knew that i had to try their namesake burger, the umami burger, but was torn between that and the hatch burger after looking at the menu....thank god for friends with greedy burger eyes because i was able to cut a deal and split both.

here's the umami burger ($9). it is a thick medium rare to rare cooked beef patty that is rather bloody for those of you that like your dead cow really dead. there were no options on how you wanted your burger cooked. in fact, it was more of an "eat-it-like-you-get-it-bitches!" so we did. i think a few of my companions did not enjoy how rare their meat patties were. anyways, the umami burger was topped with shitake mushrooms, grilled onions, and a cheese crisp. the brioche buns added a slight sweetness to your burger bite. although tasty, the umami burger was far from mind blowing.

the hatch burger ($9) was the better burger between the two. although the chiles provided no heat whatsoever, there was a nice earthiness to it which i enjoyed.

damn this meat patty was still mooing!

i also requested the sweet potato fries which came with a light sprinkling of sugar on it. it's not significant enough to alter the savoriness of the sweet po fries, but i can see why folks who have a saltier palate would not enjoy them. dude, i can eat a snickers bar for breakfast so i enjoyed them.

thank god for many hungry mouths because we ordered the thin fries ($3.50), thick fries ($3), as well as the tempura onion rings ($3). ok, ok, and meh. i think if you're really looking for something different, then the sweet po will do the trick. the other fries can be gotten anywhere.

with all that being said, did we ever figure out what "umami" really is ? this elusive fifth taste? the birthday boy thinks it's msg and by golly, he might be onto something. anyways, the meal was tasty, but it did not meet the inflated expectations that the name "umami" carries. i would not stand in a long or short line to get one if i was craving a burger, but if you bought one for me and delivered it to my door, i would totally take it.

Umami Burger
4655 Hollywood Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90027
umamiburger.com/

price: $$
verdict: tasty, try it.

i'll drag you to drago

the best kinds of happy hours are the ones that you have when you're on vacation. this past friday was such a day. i collected a group of borkers (buddies/coworkers) and reminded myself that even though i'm not currently working, i still deserve to reward myself with some yummy drinks. mmmmm.....

drago centro is such a place to reward oneself with drinks. the space is modern and sleek for loungers, workers, or bums with change in their pockets like me with time to chillax.

happy hora goers have a communal table for drinking and eating inside, or seats in their covered patio for comfortable lounging purposes. we decided to seat ourselves at the communal table though it reminded me of my hong kong travel abroad days when i was forced to share table space with strangers ALL THE TIME. it's not like i can't do it, but i like my own space bitches! besides, communal tables means odd seating arrangements and fitting in where you can. do i look like a puzzle piece to you?! i don't like that.

i immediately started off with their delectable passione drink (all cocktails are $5, beers at $4, and wines were $5-$6). yummmy lychee, vodka, and peach flavors swimming in a martini glass. sweet, fruity tastes that makes you feel fuzzy like a peach. i didn't even work that day but i felt like i deserved it. actually, i always deserve vodka.

we shared a few things amongst us borkers for nibbling purposes. a due of kobe sliders with mushrooms ($7). so cute to look at, i just wanted to pinch their buns. tasty.

the summer truffle and mushroom pizza ($4). crispy.

fried boobs circa madonna's "vogue" days also known as saffron risotto fritters ($5). they were not popular amongst my borkers. i thought they tasted aight but they won't be repeated again.

bruschetta di mare ($3). an odd piece of anchovy sits on a bed of sweet tomato marmalade. i did not enjoy this. the diced tomatoes were way too sweet and the anchovy was too fishy to cut the sweetness effectively. it's like swishing a goldfish and jam in your mouth. does that sound pleasant to you?

i round house kicked the end of happy hora with the messicano which has a tequila base, lime juice, and orange bitters. loved this as well. i have yet to meet a glass of tequila that i didn't like, but then again, tequila has always been quite friendly to me.

i have a feeling that drago will lure me back with their cocktails, so delicious they were. although the food was a hit or miss, there were some nice nibblies to accompany the tasty drinks. and again, happy hour with validated valet is always a plus, plus in downtown l.a.

Drago Centro
525 S Flower StSte 120
Los Angeles, CA 90071
(213) 228-8998

http://www.dragocentro.com/

price: $$
verdict: tasty, try it!

still broken, not fixed

The Fix Burger
2520 Hyperion Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90027
(323) 661-8494
http://www.thefixburger.com/

price: $$
verdict: not worth my time

when i want an ice cream fix, i go to scoops. when i want a french fry fix, i go to mcdonald's *blushes and hides red face in shame* when i want a cocaine fix, i go to theo on la brea....KIDDING. and when i want a burger fix, i usually go to in and out....except for today. today, i went to the fix burger in silverlake. i had thought, wouldn't it be much more appropriate for me to get my fix fixed at the fix? yeah right?! yeah! my belly quivered in anticipation of eating a hipster burger (the jiggling was NOT a pretty sight...TRUST me).

parking around there just plain blows, but if you eat crazy early dinner hours like i do, then parking usually ain't an issue. my friend found residential parking for us and once we sauntered into the fix, we were ready to go belly go!

i liked this wall. neat!

i ordered the 1/2 pounder "the fix burger" thinking that if you are named after the burger joint, you must be goot. i topped that sucker off with provolone cheese to make it even better. my friend ordered the buffalo burger with jack cheese. while we waited, we partook in some pickle slices which for a hungry belly, tasted utterly divine. if i hadn't felt so ashamed about stuffing face with this "complimentary pickle" amongst the waiting hipsters, i might have eaten a few more...but i didn't want them to think that i was just recently discharged from a refugee camp and haven't eaten in days, though i was damnit and that's ok!

with murderous anticipation, the burger finally came out. oh, how glorious art thou with thy fluffy buns and juicy beef (bowchickabowwow. you did not know i spoke middle english porn talk now did you?). i opened my jaws of death and clamped my pearly yellows on this fix burger.

crickets?

dude this burger sucks! your meat patty is DRY. you are so DRY you need LUBE. you need so much lube that you be GLISTENING. every bite was a cry for water, a cry for argentina, a cry for all the dead cows that died in vain. the only moisture that this burger got was a lone tear drop that fell from my left eye which then plumped up a tiny corner of the dried up patty. i was unimpressed. in fact, i was depressed because i had to eat a dry burger and i so wished that it tasted as good as it looked.

i took a bite out of my friend's burger too to make sure it wasn't just an unfortunate glich on me and that a great burger does exist in this hipster hole....but it was dry as well. alas, this refugee did not get her burger fix fixed at the fix. i did however, nurse a good cup of creamy oreo shake but it was not enough to fix this deficit. i vowed, no i swore, that i WILL NEVER show my mug here again. TAKE THAT you dried up whore and HERE is a tube of lube!

grrrrowl. dry burgers make me angry!

a fried up birthday

Salt Creek Grille
760 S Sepulveda Blvd
El Segundo, CA 90245
(310) 335-9288
www.saltcreekgrille.com/

price: $$
verdict: tasty, try it!

i typically don't make much of a fuss over my birthday. actually, i find it rather acceptable to commerate the day i bursted out of my momma's womb by curling myself up on my bed, sucking on my ensure milkshake, while eating my fiber bar (to keep me regular in my advancing age that is). birthdays are not so fun...really.

this year, my friend ripped the plastic bottle of ensure from my liver spotted hands and asked me where i wanted to celebrate my special day. many people may feel tempted to rape a wallet or two when they hear that they are getting treated, but NOT me. no. i asked my belly what it needed and it hollered back, "I WANT FRIES FOR MY BIRTHDAY! YAY!" to top that off, i had WILLINGLY given up 2 months of deep fried foods in the spirit of making healthy eating choices and decided to fall off the wagon with some crackalicious garlic fries at salt creek grille. quickly, i was whisked away when i verbalized my wish.

we started off with a basket of the cracky fries. beautiful, thin, shoestring fries, sprinkled with garlic and parmesean cheese slivers. i loved the crunchiness of these fries and i inhaled these tubers as if lucifer had sole control over my mouth and my belly. they were indeed sooooooo very gooooooood and i quickly ate every morsel.

i then ordered their kobe beef burger with humboldt cheese on a hawaiian sweet roll. the kobe patty was thick, moist, and juicy. every bite i took was savory and sweet all rolled into one. the spice from the arugala also gave the burger a nice kick but the sucker was huge and my belly was full of fries. alas, i did not finish my burger.

the dinner ended with a trio of desserts: fruit cobbler, creme brulee, and a chocolate flourless cake. tasty, but not noteworthy. it was a sweet end to a most greasy birthday dinner. *burp* happy birthday to me...yes, to dusty ole me.

was it grand at granville?

Granville Cafe
807 Americana Way
Glendale, CA 91210
(818) 550-0472
http://www.granvillecafe.com/

price: $$
verdict: it's aight

it is a goddamn waste of food to eat when you are sick. instead of feeding my germ ridden pie hole that can't differentiate between tar and peanut butter, i could have taken this food to feed an orphan. i heard oliver is still a tad hungry but alas it was wasted on my sickly bum instead.

anyways, a preplanned meeting with some of my golden girls meant a quick visit to granville cafe at the americana for dinner. there were no particular reasons why it was chosen other than the basic requirements of ample parking, shopping options for the early comers, and a diverse menu for us gaggle of geese to choose from. it's like a cpk but not really, a grand lux cafe kind of, a macaroni grille sort of...you get my point. it's like all the prefabbed eateries out there that screams out "chain restaurant" and tries to pass itself off as "classier eats" for the young ones to impress their dates. i think not. i am not young nor am i impressionable.

we started off with one of their "shareables," the mac and cheese. not exactly sure of the flavors because of my deadened tastebuds, i can however, comment on the texture. the mac was soft and cheesy but the croutons interspersed throughout the dish gave it a good crunch. i can also comment on it visually...do these macs look like engorged maggots to you? i thought they did but i spooned them in my pie hole like a good little asian girl. besides, i didn't eat at all that day and it logically made sense to put some grub in my bod.

if my tastbuds were in top form, i would have ordered their burger. i heard that it is a kickass piece ole meat and the flavors secreted from this burger bite would make love to your tongue. since i was too deadened to pursue any love making, i decided to go for their chicken bleu cheese pizza. it is topped with grilled chicken, bleu cheese, ham, red onions, pine nuts, and a basil leaf to keep it sophisticated. again, i am not the best judge of what i ate, but i recall intensely sweet and intensely salty pockets of flavors from the pizza. i recall i didn't like it so much. i also recall that granville sucks. i recall i need to tell my friends who avoid places without ample parking that a big parking lot does not equate to good flavors. i believe denny's has a big ole parking lot.

getting happy with rick

Rick's Drive In and Out
2400 Fletcher Dr
Los Angeles, CA 90039
(323) 660-5988
http://www.ricksdriveinandout.com/

price: $
verdict: tasty, try it!

i must be turning into a granny. this gloomy weather makes my inner hermit come out. all i want to do is stick my head in the ground and come back up only when i feel the warm sun heating my butt. so my friday "happy hour" was nothing more than this, a white bag, cuz apparently, this granny can't party in this kind of weather.

i also woke up this morning thinking BURGER. do you guys ever wake up thinking BURGER? i do sometimes. that explains my muffin top. anyways, i worked the whole day thinking BURGER, BURGER, BURGER. when i left work, i headed to rick's in silverlake for a whaddya know, BURGER. my happy hour replacement....yes?

there is something absolutely amazing about being able to satisfy a craving, especially one that started at 7:30 in the morning. though it's not THE BEST burger i've tasted by far, the well executed, greasy burger type joints like rick's can be quite tasty too when the context is right. this cheeseburger came with well toasted buns, a thin meat patty (it could have been thicker and more flavorful, but for $3.81, what the heck right?), smothered in a thousand island-esque dressing, tomato slices, and tons of shredded iceburg lettuce....mmmm....

my first bite was quickly followed by a second, a third, and so on until it was all gone. *burp* here's to my friday happy hour with rick!

pay a little more, to get a little less. where is the justice in all this?

Salt Creek Grille
760 S Sepulveda Blvd
El Segundo, CA 90245
(310) 335-9288
www.saltcreekgrille.com/

price: $$
verdict: tasty, try it!

salt creek grille is a bougie version of the cheescake factory or grand lux cafe. it's a place where you can bring business partners or clients for a meal if you were a corporate bean counter. i am not, but i found myself there on a thursday night chowing down with a few friends.

the ambience is a bit too prefabricated for my tastes, but it works. there is an outside fireplace area for those waiting for a seat, a karaoke bar on the side if you were aspiring to be the next american idol, and a separate area for diners. on thursday nights, they have drink specials for $8. not bad considering that their mixed drinks on any other night can run up to about $12 per libatious pop.

after perusing the menu, i settled on the kobe burger. kobe beef in general makes my mouth water so i thought a marriage between my two most favorite things, kobe beef + burger, should yield a most excellent meal. honestly, that burger is pretty juicy and tasty, but it did not warrant the $19 price tag. $15 max for the burger in my opinion! you might be wondering why i am nit
picking $4 dollars, but these $4 could have bought me 1/2 a mixed drink. besides, i am NOT a fan of overpriced food without justification. honey, this burger ain't justified. i think you can probably find a similar burger at father's office.

the kobe burger is served with a side of their salt creek fries. oh my gawd! the fries are skinny, crispy, with just enough potato inside to remind you that it is indeed a fry. slivers of parmesean cheese are scattered amongst these fried tubers, giving you THE BEST tasting fries ever. i would come back just to order them! yes, they are THAT good.

at the end of the meal, we did not order any dessert though they looked enticing. i wouldn't necessarily make a point to come back here, but i guess if you bribe me with these fries, i might show up. overall, salt creek grille is totally acceptable if you don't mind paying a little more to get something a little less.

go oink me a burger now!

Oinkster
2005 Colorado Blvd
Eagle Rock, CA 90041
(323) 255-6465
www.theoinkster.com

price: $$
verdict: omg, i love it!

(read the following review to the tune of mc hammer's "u can't touch this")

i want to eat this
i want to eat this
i want to eat this
i want to eat this
i want to eat this

my, my, my hunger hits me so hard
makes me say "oh my lord"
thank you for showing me
a burger joint with excellent feed
it feels good, when i chow it down
a super dope burger from the oinktown
and i know it's such
a badass burger that you can't touch

oink, oink, oink, oink, oink....you can't touch them.....

great burgers with an excellent chipotle ketchup for dipping. love the freedom of choosing my cheeses. i wanna have some more. feed me now!

pappa makes mean sweet potato fries

Father's Office
3229 Helms Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90034
(310) 736-2224
www.fathersoffice.com

price: $$
verdict: tasty, try it!

i was excited about FO because of all the hype it got from the santa monica location. in my mind, i'm thinking YES, i FINALLY get to try FO because 2 locations must mean more room SOMEWHERE for me. tackling the santa monica one seemed like an uphill battle; i shall not fight for food unless there's a famine and i need to battle for the last loaf of bread at ralphs because my hungry family is waiting for me at home.

hype is a funny thing. i think my expectations for their food was at a 10 but my tastebuds gave me another number when i actually ate my office burger. maybe i'm just use to a particular kind of burger (and NO, i don't just eat at mcdonalds. i eat burgers everywhere i go). who knows because i was unimpressed with the burger i got. the sweet potatoe fries were another story though. DANG...how many of those can i stuff in my mouth at once?! they were delicious and though i might have clogged my arteries by dipping them in the mayo concoction that comes with their fries, the semi-heart attack may well be worth it once you taste that sweet, crunchy bliss. oh so good. they had a variety of beers and i picked a "fruity" one....yes, that's the extent of my beer knowledge.

my meal turned out to be about $28 with tip included. i thought the price was too much for an alright burger even if the sweet potato fries were yummy. i will definitely give FO another try before i make my final verdict...but for now, it is just ok.

greasy burgers = fat girl

Patra Burgers On Sunset
1524 W Sunset Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90026
(213) 250-0301

price: $
verdict: it's aight

this place is a hole in the wall. no joke. it serves the greasiest cheeseburgers ever, but suprisingly, it's acceptably tasty to the taste buds, albeit you'd probably be in the midst of a heart attack while eating it. the indoor eating area is ghetto-fabulous...so is their outdoor portion if you are willing to inhale some sunset exhaust as you sit there and eat. my friend likes ordering their tacos. i stick to the cheesburgers. it's worked for me so far and i've been there twice. i'm still alive and kicking....

they have a somewhat diverse menu: fast, easy, and greasy. it is what it is. it's not gourmet or a zagat rated joint. it is just straight up fast food for cheaps.

the house of greasy burgers.

not THAT kind of library

Library Alehouse
2911 Main St
Santa Monica, CA 90405
(310) 314-4855
www.libraryalehouse.com

price: $$
verdict: it's aight

i've been here twice and thought the food and the ambiance was alright. it is definitely a place to chill and throw down a few beers, but since i'm not a beer drinker, it mostly served as a place to chill and throw down fries. they have happy hour too so the wines by the glass are ok. the wine selection isn't the best, but it made for a good beer alternative.

it does get pretty crowded so we usually come for an early dinner. i've had their burger which was meh and their fish and chips, also just meh. there's nothing craveable about the place and for that reason, i wouldn't especially hanker to go back again.