cold pellets

Dippin' Dots

711 Cannery Row

Monterey, CA 93940

(831) 655-5080

http://www.dippindots.com/

price: $

verdict: tasty, try it!

the only animals that i can think of that eat their food in pellet form are bunnies, hamsters, turtles, koi fishes, and me apparently. i really LOVE me some dippin' dots! they are little pellets of expensive, creamy goodness. dippin' dots are fun to eat, they stick to the roof of your mouth, AND it really does taste like a medly of flavors depending on the blend you make. might i recommend mint chocolate chip mixed with banana and oreos flavored pellets? oishii desu!

it would have been great....if the place wasn't so dirty. not the pee on floor, smells like ass kind of dirty, but pretty gross if you consider eating there that is. they don't have a lot of tables to begin with, but when we were there, two seating areas had puddles of melted dippin' dots all over. did anyone come by to clean it up? noooooo....why? cuz i think out of the two employees there, only one of them actually cared about her job. i saw the other one staring at the mess and didn't do anything about it. when i left, the mess was still there.

oh, and check this out. i saw an advertisement for dippin' dots birthday cakes. i was like, "that sounds pretty cool, what is it?" i found out it's basically a cup of dippin' dots (the same one you get when you make a regular order) with a candle stuck in the middle. now THAT, is stupid.

a cup of cold pellets. do you dare?

a diamond in the rough

Diamond Bakery
744 W Garvey Ave
Monterey Park, CA 91754
(626) 289-5172

price: $
verdict: it's aight

i am strangely drawn to the shredded pork buns made at this bakery. ok, maybe it's not altogether strange. my shredded pork love dates back to my ghetto college days when i was only capable of making rice. to make life interesting, i would sprinkle some of this shredded goodness on for a quick meal. ahh. poverty.

these buns though, are pretty fabulous. the bread is really soft and there's this mayo concoction that they shlack on top so the shredded pork will adhere. it makes for a good quick snack when you are on the run. i warn you though, this yumminess might not speak to most folks, but for me, it speaks volumes. it says "eat me. i am delicious." the portugese style egg tarts they have here are REALLY yummy as well. if you are bored with the traditional egg tarts, the creaminess of the portuguese style ones will probably leave you hankering for more. the other stuff here...mmm...not so much. possibly the only 2 items worth checking out at this bakery have already been listed...pork and cream.

casa nasty

Casa Carmelkorn
19 Fishermans Wharf
Monterey, CA 93940
(831) 655-2331

price: $
verdict: hells no!

sometimes, i'm a victim of rash decisions. when it comes to hunger, it is pretty obvious that these types of decisions can get pretty gross. i don't care if i find a piece of hair on it, if there's a slight hint of mold, or a faint stench permeating from the said food. if i'm hungry, i'm going to eat whatever is dead and close by to satiate THE HUNGER. ahhh, my patronage at casa carmelkorn had a hint of desperation as well.

after eating dinner at passionfish, i went to the wharf to walk off my newly acquired big belly. since i didn't order dessert there, i had a gnarly sweet tooth and casa carmelkorn happened to be the closest thing to me at that time to satiate my sweet craving. i saw the huge pile of caramel corn displayed by their window and thought of cracker jacks... i was immediately lulled in.

ugh, why did i behave like such a desperate sugar junkie? i could have literally walked down a few more storefronts to carousel to get my carmel corn fix. instead, i bought the first sweet thing i saw at casa carmelkorn which turned out to be stale, hard, and teeny weeny. i ended up eating a handful of the carmel corn and fed the rest to a family of raccoons i saw begging by the rocks.

crystal clear crap

Crystal Fish

514 Lighthouse Ave

Monterey, CA 93940

(831) 649-3474

crystalfishsushi.com/

price: $$

verdict: not worth my time

i am absolutely befuddled...no, no, i'm absolutely in a state of uncomfortable confusion over the high ratings crystal fish has. why god why?!

crystal fish serves mediocre sushi. their only shining stars are the toro (fatty tuna) which was really fresh and tasty and the cannery roll. did good tasting toro and a creative roll warrant the mediocre dinner experience? heck no! in fact, all of the sushi we ordered were not up to freshness par. the hotate (scallop sushi) we had left an unforgivable funk on my tongue. ick. the service was also pretty horrible because they were severely understaffed and it took them forever to roll out our waters and to take our order. what should have been an hour for dinner turned into a miserable lifetime of waiting. ugh.

so sitting there confused by the high ratings and coupled with my eagerness to ask questions, i asked the waiter who was super friendly about their food. he revealed to me that MOST customers that come through their doors order the teriyaki chicken/beef/salmon dinner/lunch specials. ah-ha! perhaps the high ratings came from that! so if you are here for straight up sushi and not just rolls with interesting names jammed packed with cream cheese and other fillers, then this is not the place to go. as a sushi joint, it barely makes the grade. the price tag is reasonable though, but it sure made me miss l.a. sushi a whole lot.

pretty....nasty.

funky scallops. no!

passionless fish

Passionfish
701 Lighthouse Ave
Pacific Grove, CA 93950
(831) 655-3311
www.passionfish.net

price: $$$
verdict: it's aight

passionfish reminds me of all things that fall short...you know, like that sexy girl you trailed behind only to see a grandma's face when she turned around (yeah, go to forever 21 if you want to see some of that) or a good looking guy with small feet. come on now, you've felt the burn of expectations that aren't met! alas, passionfish is one of those.

after a great day at the aquarium, i was looking forward to having some good grub at passionfish based on the reviews that i read. everything started off pretty yummy. i had their crab salad which was tasty, a pork belly appetizer which was succulent, and finally settled on their duck confit entree which was good....UNTIL i took a bite of the potato gratin side which was smothered in this cheap cheddar cheese and took the meal down .5 stars. it seriously jacked up my tastebuds! it's like finding a piece of turd on your brand new christian louboutins....what a let down! and to add to the mehness, the sturgeon my eating buddy ordered tasted dry and totally underwhelming. that was disappointing too.

what began strong at passionfish slowly petered out into slightly above average food...and we all know that diminished passion (in anything) is never a good thing.