would dorothy eat here? no seriously.

second chances are overrated. sometimes, if the said person or thing fucks up then it/he/she should be outie like 2008. that's the way it should be. so pray tell me why people give second chances in the first place?

today, i gave a second chance to auntie em's kitchen in eagle rock. it was hard not to because i always come across rave reviews about it so i literally tricked myself into thinking that my first breakfast experience there was a fluke and that this time around, it will be sooooooo much better. NOT. NOPE. HELLS NO. DELUSIONAL. SIKE. STUPID.

today, my friends and i went down there for lunch to catch up on each other's businazz. even though it was raining, auntie em's was rather busy. as we stood around their extremely tight quarters waiting for a table, i saw a tray of these delicious looking roasted squash. mmmm....i immediately knew that a few of them will be in my mouth a.s.a.p. i was pretty excited because i really wanted to like this place and it's so close to target!

but my renewed positivity for this place started to deflate when i overheard a man tell the cashier that he would never come back. i don't know what spurred his statement, but he looked pretty fed up and i was reminded once again how fed up i was the last time i was here. i crossed my fingers for my friends' sake that auntie em's didn't suck bull's testicles.

once we were seated, i looked through the menu and zoned in on the seasonal veggie choices. i ended up ordering the veggie salad which had a variety of roasted squash and eggplants on a bed of greens with cherry tomatoes and a tart salad dressing. the whole thing was topped with a few slices of brie cheese and a big hefty slice of bread.

i was a tad disappointed at how cold the veggies were. i know salads are usually on the cooler side of the thermometer, but i was hoping that these were a little warmer. don't get me wrong, everything was aight in this big salad bowl, but overall, it lacked a little umpf....i really wanted it to umpf.

our server came by once to take our order and NEVER came back ever again. even though we wanted to order a red velvet cupcake to round out our lunch, we never got a chance and we decided the irritation of playing the waiting game would not be alleviated by any cupcake found at auntie em's...not even their infamous red velvet ones.

so ok tasting food with mediocre service hardly warrants a third chance. so i'm done. no thanks auntie em! i'm leaving on the next twister with dorothy and toto! i'd rather take this kind of abuse out there in the sgv. at least when it happens, i'm not suprised or disappointed...it just is.

Auntie Em's Kitchen
4616 Eagle Rock Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90041
(323) 255-0800
www.auntieemskitchen.com

price: $$
verdict: not worth my time

getting spammed

L & L Hawaiian BBQ
4414 York Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90042
http://www.hawaiianbarbeque.com/

price: $
verdict: it's aight

Super
Pork
Acting like
Meat

the only time i will allow SPAM to touch my lips is if it's encased in rice and nori a la spam musubi. there's something incredibly enticing about the sweet/salty combo that makes it hard for this fat girl to resist. although SPAM is gelatinous and rubbery with its make up of porky scrap meat, once it's fried to a nice crust with a slathering of teriyaki sauce rolled up in rice and bound by nori, i find that i am NOT turned off by this canned meat. in fact, i would eat this hawaiian luncheon favorite every day, 25/8 (an extra day and hour wouldn't hurt) if i could.

i use to go to shakas in monterey park for its spam musubi, but it is a far drive that i don't always care to take. then i discovered l & l hawaiian bbq while i was rocking out in eagle rock. holy moly spam musubi was what i thought and i entered this fast food restaurant in heavy breathing anticipation.

an order of spam musubi will set you back $1.85. i did not go overboard this time as i normally would when i see this spamtacular crack and stuck to one as oppose to my usual 2 orders. nice thick piece of pan fried spam, sweet teriyaki sauce, firm rice with softened nori. it was gooooooood. mind you, it is pedestrian food. you will not find a sprig of parsely on it as garnish ya hear...and don't judge.

i also always order a side of macaroni salad and in any hawaiian food place, you will surely find some. this one wasn't bad either. mayoey, generous sprinkles of black pepper, bits of carrots (to make it nutritious), and bits of egg yolk. i got a small order since i knew it would go straight to my thighs and did not want to add an extra ripple to my cellulite.

this fatty lunch ended on a sweet note with their coconut haupia (pudding) which i thought would be soft but turned out to be a lot stiffer than expected. it tastes like almond jello with a coconut twist, but unlike almond jello, the gelatin is a bit excessive in it which created a rather firm jello/pudding. seriously, how many puddings out there can hang off a spoon like this one can?

spam musubi is my cheap thrill. ahhh, sometimes, it feels sooooo good to go this cheap. aloha.

would dorothy eat here?

Auntie Em's Kitchen
4616 Eagle Rock Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90041
(323) 255-0800
www.auntieemskitchen.com

price: $$
verdict: it's aight

if auntie em cooked the same kind of food i had here for brunch, then i suspect dorothy left kansas not because of a twister...she actually left because she was hungry. damn.

i was unimpressed with their brunch. i ordered a special on their brunch menu called "biscuits and gravy." sounds innocent enough right...until it came out and scared the bejeezus out of me! one ginormous biscuit was halved and then dunked into a bowl of greasy gravy equivalent to an olympic sized pool. i quickly fished out my biscuits because i didn't want them to get too mushy, but the damage was already done. five thousand calories of congeeled gravey had already clung to the biscuit, causing my appetite to shrink a little. this order also came with sausage...meh. a log in a floating grease swamp.

to top off this unappetizing meal is the service. i don't mind long waits for good food. 20 minutes, 30 minutes, sure. once seated, it took ANOTHER 15 minutes for our order to be taken. to top that off, we were seated in their "marketplace" which on a non busy day is where their "store" part of the restaurant is located. it's a straight up makeshift seating area. i uderstand when restaurants are busy, good for them. but once seated, please deliver better service. bring our waters, take our orders in a timely manner, and please, please, please acknowledge us when i need a condiment. what a struggle it was to eat there.

the saving grace are their red velvet cupcakes which are super moist with yummy creamy frosting. a large one is good enough to share. make sure you call ahead of time because these red velvets are usually the first to go. i've found myself with red velvet blueballs more than once when i drove there only to find that they are out.

my verdict is not yet out on auntie em's, but that brunch experience sure stank.

go oink me a burger now!

Oinkster
2005 Colorado Blvd
Eagle Rock, CA 90041
(323) 255-6465
www.theoinkster.com

price: $$
verdict: omg, i love it!

(read the following review to the tune of mc hammer's "u can't touch this")

i want to eat this
i want to eat this
i want to eat this
i want to eat this
i want to eat this

my, my, my hunger hits me so hard
makes me say "oh my lord"
thank you for showing me
a burger joint with excellent feed
it feels good, when i chow it down
a super dope burger from the oinktown
and i know it's such
a badass burger that you can't touch

oink, oink, oink, oink, oink....you can't touch them.....

great burgers with an excellent chipotle ketchup for dipping. love the freedom of choosing my cheeses. i wanna have some more. feed me now!

house of crazy soda dreams

Galco's Soda Pop Stop
5702 York Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90042
(323) 255-7115
www.sodapopstop.com

price: $
verdict: omg, i love it!

my 8 year hiatus from soda has officially ended today as i finished my second bottle of soda and burp out this review. i DECLARE that galco's is AWESOME. no, no, wait. it's supercalifragilisticexpialidocious yah hear?!

i finally got the opportunity to drive my butt to galco's. the hype from watching food networks spotlights, huel howser's visits, and my friend's regular shopping sprees there inspired me to check it out. i wasn't expecting to spend much there...after all, i've been soda abstinent for so long. boy was i wrong.

galco's is fun. be ready to feast your eyes upon aisles upon aisles of soda, ranging from the quirky to the commercial. i picked up a few:

-clearly canadian (a childhood favorite...until they switched it to zero calories with the artificial sweetner. tastes like crap now)
-moxie (as suggested, i am suppose to sip this, not gulp it)
-rose flavored soda
-henry weinhard's root beer (oh dang, you tasty!)
-cherry soda (it is so red it will stain your teeth)
-black cherry soda

the other half of the store is stocked with beers of all types that you can buy per bottle or pack. i got a pack of lowenbrau beer for pops (seriously taking it back old school with that one).

not to mention, galco's also houses a nice selection of old fashion sweets: zagnut, chick-o-stick, mallo-cup, and my ultimate childhood favorite THE CHEWING GUMS SHAPED LIKE A CIGARETTE THAT YOU TAP AND THEN BLOW POWDER SMOKE OUT OF. you remember those?! they look like a pack of smokes but totally kid friendly!

so basically, i'm never coming back here again. my teeth can't take all that sweetness....ok, maybe i'll just come back ONE more time...ok, maybe i'm coming back tomorrow...alright, i'm leaving NOW.

4 pack of teeth decay

goldilocks but no bears

Goldilocks Restaurant & Bakeshop
2700 Colorado Blvd
Eagle Rock, CA 90041
(323) 543-2676
http://www.goldilocks-usa.com/

price: $
verdict: tasty, try it!

the only reason i go to goldilocks is to go to their bakery. not because i don't want to try their restaurant, but because i've been eating their baked goods for the last 8 years so i can rave about that.

20 goldilock pounds later, i've decided that they sell 4 baked items that i heart the most: their ensaymada brioche with cheese (weighing in at an artery clogging 450 calories per serving), their cheese rolls, and their mocha and uba cake rolls....oh my gawd yum.

the ensaymada brioche is my ABSOLUTE favorite. i was originally skeptical about the cheese, sugar, and sweet cream combo, but i was sold after taking the first bite. to me, it tastes like a hawaiian sweet bread roll topped with some creamy butter, cheese, and sugar. it's pretty darn amazing. ever since that first bite 8 years ago, i make sure to stop by goldilocks when i feel my sweet tooth tingling. the other three items are just as delicious and worth a try. if you haven't ever tried purple ube cake, i suggest you do so too. yummy!

DO go to the gym after eating one of their baked goods though...most things at the bakery are high in fat content as well as high in taste.

450 calories of dangerous!