lazy ox canteen for the not so lazy oxen in l.a.

sometimes, during the course of the work week, i feel like an ox. one that pulls heavy loads and walk through sh*t strewn about by careless folks that don't think too much about anyone else. although i make it out alive, on a daily basis, my inner ox calls for lazier times made merrier by good food, good wine, and great company. thank god for pam, marie, and remil for giving me that extra gust of wind for my sail last thursday so i could trod through the rest of my work week intact. AND, what better place to refuel the spirits than good eats at lazy ox in little tokyo.

to start off any form of merry making, one must fist a beautiful glass of wine. my choice that night was a glass of gruner veltliner from austria ($9). the wine had wonderful sweet, fruity notes to start off the night.

having read about their infamous lazy ox pig ears, i immediately scanned the menu and the chalkboard for an order...but couldn't locate them. a frantic inquiry with our server revealed a stash of pig ears in the back, the ones that the big bad wolf hadn't already consumed.

when the plate came out piled high with thick strands of crispy piggly wiggly ears, my own ears wiggled in anticipation. they were suprisingly plump, yet crispy. the tart tang from the lime juice and the pickled veggies alleviated the oiliness from the dish and made for a much tastier bite. delectable and a must order for me at the lazy ox.

the beef tongue escabeche with pickled tomato ($12) was tender and tart. the liberal use of acid masked the delicate tongue flavors, but the dish was still good in its own right and was a delicious addition to our feast.

crispy rabbit livers with cucumber and salmorejo ($12). little wabbits, big livers. the thin coat of flaky batter encased perfectly cooked livers. after a bite of that, what i really wanted was a glass of beer to go along with my wabbits.

lamb belly with lebni and mint ($16) might give pork belly a run for its money. unctuous and fragrant from the mint, this piece of baaaa baaaa belly will melt in your mouth. the real question is, can you deal with another piece of belly fat? i did.

the caramelized romanesco with chile, mint, pinenuts ($9) had strong broccoli flavors and was as dense as cauliflower when masticated. the charred bits of romanesco left a smoky presence in my mouth. the whole dish felt like a beautiful summer breeze.

the creamy farro with smoked sundried tomato and bone marrow butter ($13) was a creamy spoonful enjoyed by us all. and bone marrow butter?!? i die.

the blistered shishito peppers with mojama ($7) was simple and delightful.

the night ended with two wonderful desserts. the rice pudding with caramel and whipped cream gave this carb lover another reason to run around the block before heading home. the rice pudding itself had liberal amounts of cream incorporated into it and though unnecessary, the caramel and whipped creme sides should be spooned in for every bite to add another layer of decadence.

the dense chocolate cake was deliciously bitter. a nice reminder that bitterness is not always unpalatable as it is in real life.

AND that, my friends, was my wonderful thursday evening at lazy ox. man, what a fabulous watering hole for all the hard working oxen in l.a.

Lazy Ox Canteen
241 S. San Pedro St.
Los Angeles, CA 90012
(213) 626-5299

www.lazyoxcanteen.com

price: $$$
verdict: omg, i love it!

pregnant with pastrami at langer's delicatessen-restaurant

it is pretty ballsy when one says they are the "best" at something. case in point, j-lo had the "best ass" not too long ago, but then kim kardashian busts into the scene hinny first and now touts the best booty on the block. methinks it's better not to call something "best" just so there's less pressure. the higher the expectations, the further the fall for your round buttocks. the whole point is that the term "best" is purely subjective so whatever i say next is just my opinion ok....

langer's in westlake makes the best pastrami sandwiches. there, i just used the word "best."

they also have the best cream soda ($2.95). THERE, i used that "b" word again.

the matzo ball soup ($3.25) was pretty darn good too. not the best, but close to it, like a stepsister of the best. the soup tasted like it had simmered for hours and was as potent as 80 chickens boiled in one stock pot. a spoonful might make you cluck uncontrollably...i dare you to try it for yourself you naysayer.

ohhh...and the best pastrami sandwich ($14.45) ever, the wicked #19. though this is not my first visit to langer's, i am always drawn to this sandwich like a moth to a flame a la janet jackson. HOWEVER, i do plan to take a serious look at the menu next time and order something else. ahh, new year, new promises.

#19 = unctuous slabs of pastrami with a chilled mound of slaw with russian style dressing and a slice of swiss cheese between uber crusty slices of rye bread. the marriage between these ingredients was just magical i tell ya, magical.

so the best pastrami sandwich can be had here at langer's and though the hours are limited, between 8am-4pm monday through saturday, i urge you to make the trek out to westlake if you haven't already to try what may be deemed as the BEST pastrami sandwich in l.a...according to many sources...the most reliable one being my belly.

you can even call for curb side service if you can't find parking in their small private lot on alvarado and westlake. BUT i urge you, DO make the effort. once you take a bite out of their pastrami offerings, i'm sure you won't be able to resist the lure of langer's pastrami on a consistent basis and you will see that your buttocks will grow just as thick and as round as kim kardashian's.

Langer's Delicatessen-Restaurant
704 S. Alvarado St.
Los Angeles, CA 90057
(213) 483-8050

www.langersdeli.com

price: $$
verdict: omg, i love it!

it's offally delicious at animal!

nine inch nails might want to "f**k you like an animal," but all i want to do is eat the entire beast one offalicious part at a time. methinks it's less messy that way and definitely way tastier. what better way to do so than at animal.

to eat the beast, one should have a glass of something something to moisten the lips. i chose to wet mine with a glass of silvaner 2009 ($12) which was delicately sweet to my tastebuds and soothed it just right for the intense savory violation of my tongue that was to follow.

our ordering frenzy quickly commenced as all parts of the beast(s) were considered for ultimate mastication. we started with the pig ear ($12) seasoned with chili and lime and topped with a fried egg. the slivers of deep fried porky ears peeked from underneath a blanket of soft, fried egg. once popped, the egg yolk coated the bold limey flavors that made my tongue spasm in a most delicious way. omg.

the sweetbreads ($14) with pickled crosnes and spicy sweet & sour sauce were slightly less successful. the heavily battered, fried thymus lost its naturally creamy texture and the overpowering sweetness of the sauce absolutely masked its flavors. sweetbreads, when treated with a delicate touch are absolutely creamy and sinful.

one taste of the chicken liver toast ($3) may possibly compel you to reach into a live chicken to rip out its raw liver for your immediate consumption. OR, you can head straight to animal and taste their artful preparation of it. this.was.divine.and.i.require.a.dozen.stat.

the bone marrow ($10) with chimichurri sauce and caramelized onions is probably one of the tastiest renditions of this animal vaseline to date. the heavily buttered toast made me speed dial jenny craig to report to her my sins.

the foie gras loco moco ($35) with its slippery piece of foie, thin sheet of spam, a petite round of hamburger meat, and small fried quail egg was a definite crowd pleaser. we continued to pluck the rice off the plate though the main star of this one plate show was long gone.

the poutine ($15) with oxtail gravy and cheddar was heavy and salty. though vastly adored by many food enthusiasts, this dressed up french fry dish was slightly too salty for me.

the one and only green dish of the night, the baby kale ($9) with pecorino, lemon and chili vinaigrette was hearty foliage for our mouth. deliciously prepared and crunchy, i could have eaten another mound of this...and another, and another.

the bbq pork belly sandwiches ($12) with slaw had a heavy hand of sweet bbq sauce. this order was probably the weakest of the night and could have been skipped without much protest.

the hamachi tostada ($14) with herbs, fish sauce vinaigrette, and peanut was weak as well. the delicate hamachi lost its essence as it absorbed the fish sauce.

the night ended sweetly with the sticky toffee pudding ($7) with mascarpone and orange zest. sticky and sweet indeed these jenga-like blocks were dense and moist and were enthusiastically scraped off the plate.

but the best dessert between the two was the panna cotta ($7) for sure. the texture was a cross between whipped frosting and smooth almond jello. delicate and creamy, this was easily the best and smoothest way to end the night.

omg, i may not want to f**k you like an animal, but i give you permission to violate my tongue. without a doubt, animal is a great place to celebrate the beast, one offalicious part at a time. i SHALL return.

Animal
435 N. Fairfax Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90048
(323) 782-9225

www.animalrestaurant.com

price: $$$
verdict: omg, i love it!

the magical number that brought me to providence

here's a few facts about the number 40. it's an even number. if you double 20 then you will see 40 again. if you get your speedometer up to 40 on a residential street, then a speeding ticket you will make. and lastly, if you're my dear friend eric, turning 40 will get you to....

if done right, turning 40 can be an elegant celebration indeed. one willed into reality by celebratory thoughts and a unanimous love for great food and great company. as i sat there peering at all the folks that came to celebrate our friend eric's 40th birthday, i thought, "you really picked a good one my friend. providence is infamous for its divine intervention to the tongue."

then i sat back, mesmerized by the tea light nestled in the beaded sea anemone and waited for the rebirth of my taste buds a la providence style.

the celebratory night started off with an asian pear cocktail. fruity, sweet, and smooth, i felt the spiked pear juice wiggle itself down to the core of my belly and subsequently warmed me through and through.

the bread basket that was then circulated amongst us was overfloweth with all manners of carbs. though challenging to narrow down the options, it really wasn't.

you ALWAYS pick bacon, and bacon it was. tiny flecks of porky bits dotted this rather delicious bacon roll that went straight into my mouth.

the amuse-bouches of the night included a yummy foursome; a petite rectangle of icy mojito, spherified greyhound, a cheesy gougere, and last but not least, a shot glass of cured trout with lemon jelly.

edible gold flecks dotted the cured trout for a decadent touch.

the first course of the night was the japanese kanpachi. crispy rice crackers gave each bite texture while the soy creme fraiche with pickled endives added tartness to the fish. delicious, fresh, and craveable.

the second course was bobby's block island sea scallops with buckwheat, dashi, and nappa cabbage. the perfectly cooked, sweet centered scallop was deliciously bathed in a savory dashi foam bubble bath.

the third course was the wild alaskan halibut with fresh cranberry beans, meyer lemon, red pepper, and mussels. i really enjoyed the burst of acid from the meyer lemon as the flavors interplayed with the subdued flaky fleshed fish.

the fourth course was the sous-vide veal tenderloin with tahitian squash and broccolini. the veal was wonderfully tender and melted in your mouth as one would expect from meat prepared in this manner. the crispy veggies were addictive as well.

the night could not end without a cheese plate which was an addition to our five course tasting menu. we had a compilation of muenster reserve cheese, an award winning blue cheese, black truffle cheese, artisanal goat cheese amongst many others. take that lactose intolerance! who says asian folks can't eat dairy?!

my belly was stuffed at this point...but a plate of well crafted cheeses i cannot resist....

the fifth and last course was the banana bread pudding and barley ice cream. i really enjoyed the tart coating over the banana and the bread pudding was the perfect size to indulge your sweet tooth.

the mignardises of the night included cubes of elderflower jelly, chocolate macarons, and hand crafted chocolate marshmellows. i.was.stuffed.

and that concluded our two michelin star rated gustatory experience with our three michelin star rated friend. happy slappy birthday eric! here's to many, many more!

-five course tasting menu is $65/$100 with wine pairing (october deal. follow them on twitter for updates)
-full tasting menu is $110/$165 with wine pairing
-chef's menu is $160/$245 with wine pairing

Providence
5955 Melrose Ave.
Los Angeles, CA 90038
(323) 460-4170

www.providencela.com

price: $$$$
verdict: omg, i love it!

dogtown dogs makes me go nutty for shrooms and tubers

i don't chase food trucks anymore. my knees aren't what they use to be and it's kind of cumbersome running after one with a big ole fish net. besides, what you catch ain't always that tasty and making the efforts to hunt one down and getting disappointed by the food is like walking around with a tiny pebble in your shoe...just plain annnnnnoying.

that's why, the best kind of food trucks nowadays are the ones that i stumble upon. the serendipitous kinds that just happen to be waiting for me when i just so happen to have a rumbling belly. finding out that the food is tasty to boot is like finding a mint on my pillow...a nice, refreshing "oh yeah baby...." mint that sets it apart from the ever multiplying trucks that we find roaming about our streets nowadays. yes, dogtown dogs, you are delicious. whew.

although their menu choices seem limited, all the major grease groups were represented.

i decided against ordering a dog and ordered a fungus instead, the portabello cheese steak ($7). WOW. just plain wow. eating this meaty mushroom sammich made me forget that i craved things that walked on four legs or things that mooed in the night. it was quite satisfying, a gustatory orgy of swiss cheese, red and green peppers, caramelized onions, and mushroom...ooey, gooey cheesey and pleasing to the palate...hubba hubba. thinking of it just makes me want to lick my computer screen. so dang good.

the tator tots ($3) were nothing short of a masterpiece as well. the addictively crunchy, crispy shells protected a tender, starchy middle. if these tator tots had wings, given how light they were in my mouth, i would not be surprised if they can fly. dangerously delicious.

so there you have it, a food truck done right. although i can't vouch for their dogs, i sure will be running after this one again when i crave anything remotely fungal and tuberous.

Dogtown Dogs
(310) 663-2911

dogtowndog.com

price: $
verdict: tasty, try it