Wednesday, August 12, 2009

still broken, not fixed

The Fix Burger
2520 Hyperion Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90027
(323) 661-8494

price: $$
verdict: not worth my time

when i want an ice cream fix, i go to scoops. when i want a french fry fix, i go to mcdonald's *blushes and hides red face in shame* when i want a cocaine fix, i go to theo on la brea....KIDDING. and when i want a burger fix, i usually go to in and out....except for today. today, i went to the fix burger in silverlake. i had thought, wouldn't it be much more appropriate for me to get my fix fixed at the fix? yeah right?! yeah! my belly quivered in anticipation of eating a hipster burger (the jiggling was NOT a pretty sight...TRUST me).

parking around there just plain blows, but if you eat crazy early dinner hours like i do, then parking usually ain't an issue. my friend found residential parking for us and once we sauntered into the fix, we were ready to go belly go!

i liked this wall. neat!

i ordered the 1/2 pounder "the fix burger" thinking that if you are named after the burger joint, you must be goot. i topped that sucker off with provolone cheese to make it even better. my friend ordered the buffalo burger with jack cheese. while we waited, we partook in some pickle slices which for a hungry belly, tasted utterly divine. if i hadn't felt so ashamed about stuffing face with this "complimentary pickle" amongst the waiting hipsters, i might have eaten a few more...but i didn't want them to think that i was just recently discharged from a refugee camp and haven't eaten in days, though i was damnit and that's ok!

with murderous anticipation, the burger finally came out. oh, how glorious art thou with thy fluffy buns and juicy beef (bowchickabowwow. you did not know i spoke middle english porn talk now did you?). i opened my jaws of death and clamped my pearly yellows on this fix burger.


dude this burger sucks! your meat patty is DRY. you are so DRY you need LUBE. you need so much lube that you be GLISTENING. every bite was a cry for water, a cry for argentina, a cry for all the dead cows that died in vain. the only moisture that this burger got was a lone tear drop that fell from my left eye which then plumped up a tiny corner of the dried up patty. i was unimpressed. in fact, i was depressed because i had to eat a dry burger and i so wished that it tasted as good as it looked.

i took a bite out of my friend's burger too to make sure it wasn't just an unfortunate glich on me and that a great burger does exist in this hipster hole....but it was dry as well. alas, this refugee did not get her burger fix fixed at the fix. i did however, nurse a good cup of creamy oreo shake but it was not enough to fix this deficit. i vowed, no i swore, that i WILL NEVER show my mug here again. TAKE THAT you dried up whore and HERE is a tube of lube!

grrrrowl. dry burgers make me angry!


  1. hilarious. AND instructive for all the ob/gyns in training out there in the propah language to broach lube issues. Good job roamer MD.

  2. just watching out for all the moisture deficient stuffs out there.

  3. HAhaha. I cracked up reading this one.

    It does look pretty dry though. Perhaps they need some sort of edible lube/jelly to go with it. Does KY make such a thing?

  4. i wouldn't know...i'm always moist. yes, TMI is my middle name.

  5. I LOVED my fix burger mini. It was dripping with juice. You musta got a reject!

  6. it was 3 rejects then! boo hoo :(


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