yun nan 168 makes my tongue sweat

sometimes i like walking around with a sign hung around my neck announcing that i'm "the roaming belly, a glutton for punishment." i mean really, who freakin' suffers 113 degree freaky l.a. heat during the second to last week of september and then turns around to eat a spicy, sweat induced meal at night? me, that's who. me. hi, my name is the roaming belly and i am a glutton for punishment.

not wanting to be a debbie downer when my second family suggested yunnan cuisine for dinner, but after hearing how spicy it can get, i must admit, i got a little nervous. in fact, as we pulled into yun nan 168's parking lot, i got a whole lotta nervous because i was worried i'd be dead by the end of the meal.

but the gustatory sight that awaited me placated my fears. even if i couldn't eat anything on the menu, i can at least sample all of these chili oil lacquered cold dishes. man i love this stuff!

we first started off with a cold plate combo (three items for $4.20) of pig's ear, beef tendon, and blanched potato sticks.

the cold plates were so good that we went back and got another plate, this time with tofu strings, sliced chicken livers, and marinated cucumbers. I LOVE THIS STUFF! i loved the subtle heat from the chili oil and all these components were straight up prepared dang well here...the best prepared cold dishes i've tasted by far.

then the parade of spicy food came to town. first up was their stir fried lamb ($9.95) which was supple and silky, an after effect of bathing in cornstarch first which is a trick used often in a chinese kitchen. the flavors were spicy as expected but definitely delicious. as i ate, i carefully collected all the ginger, garlic, and peppers on my plate to avoid a spicy death.

the noodles in chicken broth ($5.25) offered a nice reprieve from the heat. cool and soothing to the tongue, this broth became the safe cellar that i ran back to after the unrelentless tornado of of spices on my tongue.

the twice cooked cured pork in brown sauce ($9.95) was another hit at my table. though not as spicy, the heat was still present...fear not.

the bamboo fungus chicken hot pot soup ($16.95) reminded me of my childhood when i was forced to drink medicinal soups to correct my "inner heat." if not for these traumatic experiences, i would have appreciated the floral notes that infused this soup.

and finally, the graveyard of spices. do take particular note of the black peppercorn looking thing on the right. actually, it is the prickly ash pepper and if you bite into one, you will immediately feel a numbing effect on your tongue. it also releases licorice notes as it numbs your tongue. strangely addicting i must say.

so overall, i am happy to report that yunnan cuisine did not kill me. in fact, the barrage of spiciness that i expected was actually more like numbing heart burn on my tongue. although i had to get use to the oiliness of the dishes due to their generous use of chili oil, i was 100% happy with my meal. in fact, i'll be coming back real soon, yah hear?

Yun Nan 168
1530 S. San Gabriel Blvd.
San Gabriel, CA 91776
(626) 280-7688

price: $$
verdict: omg, i love it!

phoenix food boutique or ice cube down pants?

during the dog days of summer, it can get so hot that your innards will boil, your skin can fry to a crisp like chicharrones, and your b.o. quadruples in potency due to the heat. if you're a lucky a.c. owning bastard, you can blast that square box of godsend till your brain freezes to avoid this so cal heat...unless you're pathetic like me and all you have is an old school fan that goes click, click, click when it turns. perhaps at some point in this heated desperation, you consider dropping a few ice cubes down your pants to cool down, though if you're a boy, i don't suggest this. i hear your shlong can freeze off...or worse yet, the ice cube will stick to your snake like ralphie's tongue to the flagpole in a christmas story. there's gotta be better ways to cool off than this. oh man, but there is.....

they have a.c. ahhhh...and sweets.....and a.c......and a.c......and a.c.....(click, click, click goes my fan as i type).

and those icy, icy, sweets...mmm...no more ice cubes in me chonies yay! the best item by far for my panting tongue and b.o. emmitting body is the phoenix mango shaved ice ($5.95). holy moly what isn't there to love about a pile of soft fluffy snow, little tapioca balls, sweet mango cubes, and a cold lava flow of mango puree. i'm getting HOT just thinking about something so COLD.

and while you're there, might i suggest that you pick up a few more items especially for your bikini ready body? like these luscious mango mochi balls ($2.95).

soft, yellow-tinted mochi dusted with coconut shavings envelops a large piece of mango. the mango mochi is slightly chilled which feels refreshing to hot sunburned lips BUT this dessert is quite the crap shoot though. sometimes, you get a really sweet mango piece and the bite is HEAVENLY, but sometimes you get a sour OR bland mango piece and you find you're just biting on mediocre mochi. you be the judge.

i also like to pick up a box of their pecan tartlets housed in sushi boxes. i LOVE pecans and the phoenix boutique versions are the perfect balance of sweetness to me since i'm not a fan of overly sweet pecan pies. might i add that these are some lovely bites. too bad the overuse of butter will make you regret this purchase but c'est la vie fatties.

phoenix food boutique also serves savory foods and snacks. on another occasion, whilst waiting for dinner to happen like...4 hours later, we ordered a plate of the spicy squid. acceptable, but the "whiteness" of the batter was so dang odd to me. albino batter? could it be?! perhaps i am just use to old oil and burnt fried foods :0. it was ok. i definitely don't come here for their savory items.

so when it gets so hot again that i actually contemplate dropping a few ice cubes down my pants, you know there's a 50/50 percent chance that i'll be at the phoenix food boutique heifing down some of that mango shaved ice OR at the gas station buying a large bag of ice cubes.

**the alhambra location has super rude servers. i avoid that place like pubic lice. consider yourself warned.**

Phoenix Food Boutique
712 W. Las Tunas Drive
San Gabriel, CA 91776
(626) 289-9888

price: $
verdict: tasty, try it!

new lucky eats and duck tongue wonderings

the sad state of our economy inspired a lot of deals for our belly as of late. "affordable" pre fixe menus at fine dining establishments, kid eats free deals....and even freakin' "happy hour" prices at baskin robbins. oh man i would be so fat if i wasn't already er....so fat.

anyways, new lucky was recommended to us because of the lobster deal. as you can see, $5.99 for a lobster AND you get one for free...so that's like $2.995 for one! unfortunately, there is a quantity limit per table and you have to order other dishes with your meal. but still a deal? YES.

the place was rather crowded with other deal seekers so our party of six had to wiggle in. we started off with the conch soup ($19.99) which had a strong musky seafood smell that rose to my nose and tickled my nose hairs when i sipped it. the chicken feet floating about reminded me of amputated chickens and a much needed trip to get dimsum. i liked this soup and thought it was a great way to start off our meal.

the pork rib and spicy salt ($9.99) which always makes an appearance during our family meals, but is not a favorite of mine. i'm not fond of breaded, fried pork that becomes tough and chewy during mastication. this one at new lucky was no different.

the lobster x 2 based on the $5.99 deal was newportesque, but definitely not the same. still tasty though and worth every penny of the $5.99 price tag. oh come on now, it's only $5.99!

duck tongue marinated in maggi sauce ($16.99). i've never had duck tongue before so i had to order it when i saw it on the menu. when the plate came to us, i thought i had ordered fried penises. seriously, look at it. then when i ate it, i was suprised to find a bone in each tongue (yes, laugh) which was another shocker. apparently, ducks have boney tongues. man, who would have quacked. the tongues are also quite fatty.

steamed red cod ($33.23) which mitigated any savings we might have had with the lobster. the flavors on this one was ok but most steamed fish pales in comparison with my dad's version. and yes, i deliberately turn the fish head away from me when i eat. i don't mind stealing a fish cheek or two if i'm anywhere near the fish head, but a gaping mouth turned to me when i eat makes me want to go vegetarian. :(

dried salty fish with gailan a.k.a chinese broccoli ($11.99). this dish is usually slick with a thin layer of cooking oil. but you forget that when you take a bite of the crispy gailan stems and taste a burst of saltiness from the dried salty fish. one of my faves and a must order for me. this version was quite good.

stir-fried pea sprout leaves ($14.99) was tender and delicious. nothing beats a good plate of these greens at any chinese dinner. yum.

our dinner ended with bowls of their complimentary dessert soup. instead of orange wedges, you get this, spoonfuls of warm, lightly sweetened syrup with small chunks of sweet yams, taro, and teeny weenie tapioca balls. yum.

by sgv standards, the initial deal didn't become much of a deal once we saw our check for $124.16 (tax and tip not included) for the 6 of us. but it's priceless to get tongued by a duck and i would totally order those quacky tongues again.

New Lucky Restaurant
415 W. Garvey Ave.
Monterey Park, CA 91754

price: $$
verdict: it's aight

deliciously lost at green island restaurant

generally once a week, i head out to the sgv to nosh with my other family...which explains why my belly has grown exponentially over the year. sometimes the places are just aight, and other times, i'm quite smitten by what i eat. last night, they brought us to another fab place, one that filled my belly to the limit and i still feel full and am burping as a result of eating TOO MUCH. ugh, i need to look up the word self control in the dictionary....it starts with the letter "s" right?

helllllllloooo green island restaurant! it's located on las tunas drive, the infamous "bride street" in which you find oodles and oodles of bridal shops and all things related to THAT day in which you will be handcuffed to one person forever. after shopping there, perhaps you can pop into green island restaurant to give it a taste? make sure you try on your dress BEFORE you eat.

the decor inside this restaurant is totally vegas. i dug the strands of glass balls hanging from the ceiling and though the concept was a stones throw away from being gaudy, overall, the ambiance was different from the typical hole in the wall sgv places which i appreciated.

they also have an open kitchen in the back of their dining area. you can press your face against the glass walls to watch your food getting prepared if you so desired. unlike krispy kremes, i'm not sure if the cook staff will appreciate that.

we commenced to order an adequate amount of food to stuff five faces. first up was the sizzling prime rib eye fried rice ($9.99) which comes in an extremely hot flat stone dish. the ingredients are layered with raw meat at the very bottom for quickest cooking and then a layer of rice, corn kernels, and green onion.

the server mixed the ingredients in a flurry of ninja like gestures. the end result was a stone bowl of aldente fried rice with thin slices of rib eye in a fatty, medium rare state. i REALLY enjoyed this dish a lot and would order it again. yum! certainly a signature dish of theirs and totally worth a taste if you've never had this before.

roti canai ($2.99) was a love child conceived during a tryst between a chinese green onion pancake, naan, and a tortilla. a buttery menage a trois if you will. though morally conservative individuals would not approve, i thought it was good.

pan fried large noodle with black pepper beef ($7.99). ooooh, i really liked this one even though it started getting a bit salty for me at the end. the flecks of black pepper flakes were generous and reminded me of pippi longstocking and her freckles. the chewy udon noodles were slippery and paired with tender beef made it a hearty entree. i would order this dish again as well. yum.....

pan fried whole tilapia porridge in pot ($14.99). i love how the fish carcass gets brought out along with your porridge (jook). feel free to spoon some of the soy sauce onto your jook because i found the flavors to be rather mild, bordering on underseasoned. though naked without it's meaty parts, the plate of steamed fish can be picked through for bits of leftover flesh as well as the head. oooh, the mighty, mighty fish head with the tender fish cheeks and hard, beady eyeballs.

the tiger prawn & scallop with curry sauce ($11.99) was my least favorite dish of the night. after eating superb homemade curry dishes, this one tasted a tad too sweet and coconutty for me.

sauteed broccoli with dried fish ($8.50) which is really chinese broccoli (gailan) stems with salty dried fish (haam yu). i order this dish whenever is see it on the menu. dried fish when done right gives a burst of complex saltiness to your typical sauteed gailan dish. this salty dried fish had a tinge of sweetness to it which didn't sit well with my tastebuds. it's like seeing a shirt with stripes and polka dots. odd. i like my dried fish salty and that's about it.

the service was quick and attentive which is great when you're hongry. the drinks had unlimited refills and since their restrooms were super clean, you can go pee all you want peoples without fear. booths on the side have their own t.v., methinks a perfect place for watching nba finals and they are normally opened till 12 a.m. i like green island and will come back again. yummy.

Green Island Restaurant
9556 Las Tunas Dr.
Temple City, CA 91780
(626) 286-6788

price: $$
verdict: tasty, try it!

newport seafood has rockin' lobster!

rare are the instances when you walk into a chinese restaurant in the sgv that you actually take note of the decor. that's exactly what happened to me. i was a bit suprised that it looked so modern! what happened to the overdone wood paneling, banquet style dining tables with the spinning lazy susans, and the uncomfortable wooden chairs with barely there flat cushions? my, it's a chinese restaurant that actually looked "nice."

light and lots of it. plenty of open spaces for chillaxin eating.

pink lamp shades overhanging your table while you grub. fantastic.

it was clear to me as we walked to our table that when you come to newport seafood, you HAVE to order their house special lobster. if seeing this dish at EVERY TABLE wasn't enough of a clue, then i'll have to whack you on the forehead with this sign "ORDER THEIR LOBSTER." yummmm....the lobster was cracked, lightly breaded, then stir fried with chopped chilis, green onions, and garlic. it was a delicious dish and i suggest that you don't waste what is leftover from the lobster dish and spoon the excess green onions and chilis on your rice.

we also ordered their garlic stir fried "dou mui" which i think means green pea sprouts/leaves in english. the flavors were garlicky and the leaves were firm and not limp which happens when it gets overcooked or when it watches bad porn.

we also ordered their clams in spicy basil sauce. plump clams with a great aromatic sauce that did not overpower their natural clam taste, if you know what i mean. juicy.

we also ordered a seafood rice noodle dish. this dish tasted pretty bland to me and the pieces of calamari and shrimp were chewy. i also did not appreciated the shlack of sauce on top and it was clearly the weaker dish of the four. i would not order this again.

after the grubbing and merry making, the bill came out to about $136 (tax and tip not included) for a party of 5. it's obvious that the lobster was the pricier dish of the four but in my opinion, it would be a shame for you to come here and not order it. if you are on a budget, i suggest getting the lobster and the pea sprouts/leaves and you will be fine. i think many of their other dishes can be gotten at other places for similiar/better tastes but with better price points. anyways, the decor, food, and good service drew in a diverse crowd of patrons and i think there's a reason why it's popular...it is rather good, that's why.

Newport Tan Cang Seafood Restaurant
518 W Las Tunas Dr
San Gabriel, CA 91776
(626) 289-5998
http://www.newportseafood.com/

price: $$
verdict: tasty, try it!