breaking up with gingergrass

it's like THAT boy. you know. that one lingering one you dated, then broke up with, then dated again, only to eventually break up with once more. perhaps because of the passage of time, coupled with your hunger for companionship, you both reach out for each other again only to realize that lightening does strike twice and you should NOT have taken two steps back by rekindling a messy relationship that once was......

because eating copious amounts of shrimp chips won't ever make it any better.

nor sipping glasses of this uber yummy lychee mimosa ($7) enough to repair what's already been broken once....

because this relationship is quite similar to this persimmon roll ($4.95). random with ingredients that don't complement each other. please don't think that a few strands of persimmon flesh with noodles in rice wrapper should taste magically delicious. oh no, it tasted randomly conceived....just like this bygone relationship that you're trying to restart for a second time. people say your personalities didn't fit...and like this roll, it really just didn't...but you had to try again, didn't you?

and try as you might, an attempt to make the relationship slightly different by "behaving" for the first few months might have worked for the short term, but in order to prevent yourselves from falling back into old destructive habits, the foundation between the two of you must be strong in the first place and should not be accompanied by fatty baggage that cannot be digested. but alas, it was all smoke and mirrors wasn't it? just like this unctuous pork belly dish ($14.95) which tasted great as it was consumed, but as soon as it was fully digested, left one (namely me), pounding at the bathroom door for a belly emergency.

LOOK at all that unforgiving fat!

and by the tail end of this rekindled relationship with its obvious dried up passion like this dried up, overcooked fish in this big red snapper bowl ($10.95), it is probably a good time as any to give up because it's not worth the extra calories or the heartache.

because all the sweetness you had hoped would be there this second time around just did not materialize similar to these fried banana rolls ($5.95) which were served unripened and left a chalky taste in one's mouth. and truthfully, life is way too short to deny yourself of something sweet.

so what i'm really saying is, some relationships are meant to be left alone and once it's over, it should really be over. and now it's time for me to say bye bye to gingergrass. dahling, it was wrong once before and even with this second chance, we are clearly not meant to be. baby, we need to break up...again.

Gingergrass
2396 Glendale Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90039
(323) 644-1600

www.gingergrass.com

price: $$
verdict: not worth my time

mochi + pizza = mochizza @ strawberry cones

mochi is so versatile! you can make boobs out of them (reference to a previous post), eat them with all kinds of fillings inside, celebrate the new year with them, pile a few powdery bites on your froyo, or put them on pizza. PIZZA?! yes. pizza. enter strawberry cones in san gabriel, a japanese pizza shop that specializes in japanese style pizza now available for your consumption in our very own sgv.

when i was told about this place, i was puzzled but intrigued. mochi + pizza? as if pizza wasn't fattening enough on its own, now you have glutinous rice cakes on it to really kill you. anyways, i wasn't deterred by the not so healthy aspects of this mochizza so a few friends and i went there last night for dinner. the menu is rather extensive (click on the pic to get a better look at the offerings and the pricing). they also offer a few competitively priced combo meals if you're totally over the golden arches but only have a few bucks to spare for a meal.

we started off with their karaage (fried chicken) appetizer ($3.75). the fried chicken had a thick breading to chicken ratio. the ranch dressing that was provided for dipping was light and airy, almost like a whipped ranch dressing which was nice, but overall, i found the whole thing to be a tad oily and not yummy enough for a repeat order.

we also decided to share a small teriyaki mochi chicken pizza ($11). the toppings consisted of chicken, mochi pieces, red onion, nori strips, mozzarella cheese, teriyaki sauce, and MAYO. yes, MAYO. the initial bite was tasty and the mochi chunks provided a fun, chewy texture to the pizza bite. but after the first slice, i decided the overly sweet teriyaki sauce spoiled it's potential. not to mention the oily mayo pools that you found on top. i don't understand the love affair japanese folks have with mayo...it's everywhere!

the box.

the teriyaki chicken mochizza.

here's a close up of a piece of mochi in the pizza.

we also ordered a half and half pizza with avocado and salmon on one half and margherita on the other half. this is where some spicy tomato sauce would have been nice because the margherita side tasted bland. there's not much of a flavor profile when it's just a wedge of tomato and basil leaf on cheese. i could have skipped this combo pizza entirely.

we ended the meal with one of their desserts, the california walnut and raisin pizza ($9.80), which is made with chikutan dough (bamboo charcoal mixed in the rice flour pizza dough). the crust looked a little off putting because it had a gray/blackish color to it which if you cook enough in general would instinctively make you wonder if it's burnt. i found my first bite to be tasty, but subsequent bites revealed a rather dry and overly sweet dessert pizza. i was done.

another look at the blackened chikutan crust.

i appreciated the complimentary green tea and coffee you got there, but no matter how much green tea i drank, i could not wash away the heavy and greasy mochizza ball i had in my belly. the hook of having mochi on the pizza brought me in, but the toppings and taste in general failed. i WOULD NOT come back again and that's my story and i'm sticking to it like mochi to teeth.

Strawberry Cones
227 W Valley Blvd #118-B
San Gabriel, CA 91776
(626) 293-1852
http://www.strawberrycones.com/

price: $$
verdict: not worth my time

would dorothy eat here? no seriously.

second chances are overrated. sometimes, if the said person or thing fucks up then it/he/she should be outie like 2008. that's the way it should be. so pray tell me why people give second chances in the first place?

today, i gave a second chance to auntie em's kitchen in eagle rock. it was hard not to because i always come across rave reviews about it so i literally tricked myself into thinking that my first breakfast experience there was a fluke and that this time around, it will be sooooooo much better. NOT. NOPE. HELLS NO. DELUSIONAL. SIKE. STUPID.

today, my friends and i went down there for lunch to catch up on each other's businazz. even though it was raining, auntie em's was rather busy. as we stood around their extremely tight quarters waiting for a table, i saw a tray of these delicious looking roasted squash. mmmm....i immediately knew that a few of them will be in my mouth a.s.a.p. i was pretty excited because i really wanted to like this place and it's so close to target!

but my renewed positivity for this place started to deflate when i overheard a man tell the cashier that he would never come back. i don't know what spurred his statement, but he looked pretty fed up and i was reminded once again how fed up i was the last time i was here. i crossed my fingers for my friends' sake that auntie em's didn't suck bull's testicles.

once we were seated, i looked through the menu and zoned in on the seasonal veggie choices. i ended up ordering the veggie salad which had a variety of roasted squash and eggplants on a bed of greens with cherry tomatoes and a tart salad dressing. the whole thing was topped with a few slices of brie cheese and a big hefty slice of bread.

i was a tad disappointed at how cold the veggies were. i know salads are usually on the cooler side of the thermometer, but i was hoping that these were a little warmer. don't get me wrong, everything was aight in this big salad bowl, but overall, it lacked a little umpf....i really wanted it to umpf.

our server came by once to take our order and NEVER came back ever again. even though we wanted to order a red velvet cupcake to round out our lunch, we never got a chance and we decided the irritation of playing the waiting game would not be alleviated by any cupcake found at auntie em's...not even their infamous red velvet ones.

so ok tasting food with mediocre service hardly warrants a third chance. so i'm done. no thanks auntie em! i'm leaving on the next twister with dorothy and toto! i'd rather take this kind of abuse out there in the sgv. at least when it happens, i'm not suprised or disappointed...it just is.

Auntie Em's Kitchen
4616 Eagle Rock Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90041
(323) 255-0800
www.auntieemskitchen.com

price: $$
verdict: not worth my time

seven out for the maple tree

craps is my poison. here's the typical shit that comes out of my mouth when i'm at the craps table:

"2 dollars c and e"
"one dollar on all the hard ways"
"5 on 5, 5 on 4"
"hard ways back up"
"hard ways working"
"1, 2 on a hop"

and i always, always say PLEASE even though i'm flinging my chips at the dealers when i establish my bets. if i'm lucky, i can crap for 1+ hours...3 max. if i'm not, then i'm 7 out in 15 minutes. at any one time, i can have about $34 on the table for one roll. not bad, but in hindsight, not good either right? $34 can buy me food, a basic neccessity, or it can buy me the thrill of tossing those ruby red dice. my chinese blood always chooses the thrill...gambling is genetic and i won't deny my roots.

but sadly, i usually walk away empty handed from the craps table and i catch myself in a remorseful state the following morning. usually, the pathetic-ness of my situation heightens because i find myself in a whacked out establishment eating cheap food because me pockets be empty! the maple tree was such a place to wallow in remorse.

first of all, the positive reviews of it on yelp are WHACK. the maple tree is a nursing home meets greasy spoon and i don't want to be in a nursing home nor eat from a greasy spoon. if you ever go there, you'll know what i mean AND they play 80's music. weird. though i liked eating my eggs with tiffany's "i think we're alone now" playing in the background.

aiming for something simple after a previous night of gambling complications, i ordered myself their traditional breakfast. scrambled eggs, potatoes, sausage, and bacon....the toast was really buttery. i could have wrung it out and hung it up to dry with a pool of butter forming on the ground and the toast would STILL be buttery. everything glistened with grease and the only difference between this plate and denny's would be the mom and pop factor of it.

a friend decided to get the fried steak which was a thinly hammered out piece of beef, battered then fried, suffocated under a ton of gravy. ewwww.....methinks deliciousness left this plate a LONG time ago.

i would never come here again. even though it was SUPER CHEAP, you will pay dearly as your heart clogs up from their generous use of grease. so in the end, who wins? certainly not i, as i sat there penniless with an extra fat roll given to me by the maple tree....i also recalled a lonely tear drop that rolled down my left eye as stared out into the distance thinking how vegas wronged me once again.

The Maple Tree
6000 Spring Mountain Rd
Las Vegas, NV 89146
(702) 362-5151

price: $
verdict: not worth my time

jit the eff out jitlada!

Jitlada Thai Restaurant
5233 W Sunset Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90027
(323) 663-3104

price: $$
verdict: not worth my time

once upon a time, there was a hungry belly named bagnatic. she went to hollywood to seek out thai food with her friends, not to seek out tricks as she was apt to do at this particular village. she suggested jitlada because it sounded legendary from other food enthusiasts and like a lemming, she took her friends in search of this little taste of bang cock in hollywood. how appropriate.

the village that jitlada is located in has horrible parking for water buffalo drawn carts. in fact, you might have to park a few lis down, but lo and behold, a space opened up for their cart and off the three travelers went to nourish their travel worn bodies.

upon entering jitlada, it was obvious that those that served this bang cock had no work ethic. although this food stop was EMPTY, the workers did not acknowledge that guests had entered their premises and actually pretended that they did not exist. even though eye contact was made, nobody made the effort to welcome the three hungry travelers. being the feisty beyatch that bagnatic was, she yelled out "hi, how are you!" hoping that it was enough of a ruckus to get noticed. it was. they were seated and food ordering commenced.

bagnatic ordered a thai iced tea. it was punishingly sweet. she regretted not bringing her own water gourd filled with plain water to swap out this overly sweetened tea.

bagnatic then ordered the steamed mussels which were indeed legendary. the mussels were frighteningly large like hormone injected meat pillows in a shell. the broth that they were stewed in was deliciously sour with a mighty fine kick to the tongue. she enjoyed this a lot. in fact, she would have bathed herself in this juice if it had been appropriate to disrobe at that time. intrigued by these mussels, bagnatic shoved them into her mouth in rapid succession with total disregard of her companions' needs. she recalled knocking their chopsticks away with ninja swiftness if she saw them hovering over the mussels.

meat pillows. bagnatic persuaded a few to jump into her mouth.

the curry chicken was acceptable but not noteworthy. in fact, it was clear that a chicken disease had swept through the village because there was an obvious chicken shortage. only a few pieces of chicken actually made it into the curry. perhaps what was left of the cluck clucks were reserved for royalty.

everything else after these two dishes were complete disasters. the chicken fried rice was completely soggy and appeared to have come straight out of the village dump. to have soggy fried rice is a cardinal sin and god will smote all soggy fried rice makers. to top this off, it was soggy AND oily. will god do a double smote? will he? please say yes prayed bagnatic. please god, say yes.

the worse dear friends was this disgusting mango sticky rice. imagine a mound of sugar masquerading itself as sticky rice and you will be eating what these three friends had that day. sickenly, punishingly sweet. a few bites was enough to convince our travelers to cease and desist consumption. NOW.

overall, jitlada was not a worthy food stop for bagnatic and her companions especially because of the wretched service they received. even the mouth watering mussels will not persuade bagnatic to return. off her belly goes for other adventures!

no more pining for pioneer chix

Pioneer Chicken
4376 W Sunset Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90029
323) 663-2441

price: $
verdict: not worth my time

once in a while, i recall a food memory that connects very closely to my heart and pioneer chicken belongs in one of those greasy heart string categories. when i see this sign (graffiti and all), i think of my pops and how he would take my sis and i for a pioneer chix run when we were but wee lasses. we usually ended up getting a piece of thigh and/or corn on the cobb. mmmm...it was so delicious back then....so delicious.

funny looking fat man riding in a conestoga.

15 years later from my last bite as a pubescent teen, my heartstring throbbed for some pioneer chicken. as i drove down sunset, i decided to drop in and pick some up for me and my pops, reversing the pioneer chicken story for once. lookie daddy i have a job! i can buy you chicken! $2.99 for a two piece chicken combo and a buttermilk biscuit. yeah i spoils him a lot.

i was greeted by two lone corn on the cobbs. it begged to be bought and i did. me = sucka.

in mounting anticipation, i picked up a box of fried chix. but MAN was i disappointed when those greasy wangs touched my lips! i recalled such good flavors!!!! but the greasiness was unforgiveable and the flavor of the supposedly awesome skin was just plain bland. where the hell did my journey down memory lane turn so craptastic?! instead of eating a piece of crispy chicken delight, i tasted a piece of chicken encased in an oily sponge. KFC is so much better. THERE, i said it. my memory of pioneer was officially shattered :(

i also picked up some fried livers and gizzards thinking that it might mean a party in my mouth. no. wrong. abort mission. greasy fried fuckers they were!

a buttermilk biscuit that lacked the softness and buttery-ness that i had fondly recalled. :(

a lackluster corn on the cobb. perhaps waiting way too long under those wire coils did them in. ill.

maybe everything tasted sooooo good because my pops had bought it for us and especially cuz he held our hands when he bought it. maybe next time, i need to bring my pops and ask him to hold my hand again. perhaps.

still broken, not fixed

The Fix Burger
2520 Hyperion Ave
Los Angeles, CA 90027
(323) 661-8494
http://www.thefixburger.com/

price: $$
verdict: not worth my time

when i want an ice cream fix, i go to scoops. when i want a french fry fix, i go to mcdonald's *blushes and hides red face in shame* when i want a cocaine fix, i go to theo on la brea....KIDDING. and when i want a burger fix, i usually go to in and out....except for today. today, i went to the fix burger in silverlake. i had thought, wouldn't it be much more appropriate for me to get my fix fixed at the fix? yeah right?! yeah! my belly quivered in anticipation of eating a hipster burger (the jiggling was NOT a pretty sight...TRUST me).

parking around there just plain blows, but if you eat crazy early dinner hours like i do, then parking usually ain't an issue. my friend found residential parking for us and once we sauntered into the fix, we were ready to go belly go!

i liked this wall. neat!

i ordered the 1/2 pounder "the fix burger" thinking that if you are named after the burger joint, you must be goot. i topped that sucker off with provolone cheese to make it even better. my friend ordered the buffalo burger with jack cheese. while we waited, we partook in some pickle slices which for a hungry belly, tasted utterly divine. if i hadn't felt so ashamed about stuffing face with this "complimentary pickle" amongst the waiting hipsters, i might have eaten a few more...but i didn't want them to think that i was just recently discharged from a refugee camp and haven't eaten in days, though i was damnit and that's ok!

with murderous anticipation, the burger finally came out. oh, how glorious art thou with thy fluffy buns and juicy beef (bowchickabowwow. you did not know i spoke middle english porn talk now did you?). i opened my jaws of death and clamped my pearly yellows on this fix burger.

crickets?

dude this burger sucks! your meat patty is DRY. you are so DRY you need LUBE. you need so much lube that you be GLISTENING. every bite was a cry for water, a cry for argentina, a cry for all the dead cows that died in vain. the only moisture that this burger got was a lone tear drop that fell from my left eye which then plumped up a tiny corner of the dried up patty. i was unimpressed. in fact, i was depressed because i had to eat a dry burger and i so wished that it tasted as good as it looked.

i took a bite out of my friend's burger too to make sure it wasn't just an unfortunate glich on me and that a great burger does exist in this hipster hole....but it was dry as well. alas, this refugee did not get her burger fix fixed at the fix. i did however, nurse a good cup of creamy oreo shake but it was not enough to fix this deficit. i vowed, no i swore, that i WILL NEVER show my mug here again. TAKE THAT you dried up whore and HERE is a tube of lube!

grrrrowl. dry burgers make me angry!