cognoscenti coffee and proof bakery baked goods to feed the soul

yeekai lim's cognoscenti coffee was a pop-up that roamed no more when he finally settled his coffee talents at proof bakery in atwater village. if you want to wrap your cold hands around a good cup of joe that ranges in price from $2-$4, then i suggest you make your way to the eastside and nestle yourself in this stellar bakery with a plate of baked goods as well as a cup of coffee by cog...of course.

the scene around the cups of coffee is no slouch either. proof bakery in atwater village boasts some rather awesome baked good and sandwiches for you to nibble on as you shoot the breeze with your buds. check out this roasted cauliflower and kale sandwich ($7) in its super slender, crusty baguette, and tasty supermodel form. delicious AND pretty to look at.

the roasted pepper, feta, and olives sandwich ($7) was just as yummy. i loved the the pops of olives in every bite.

without a doubt, the baked goods are amazing here. this delicious persimmon scone ($3) was dense with bursts of persimmon chunks.

the chocolate croissant ($3.50) was decadent with a hint of chocolate oozing out. what a tease when you know just one big bite will take you right to its chocolatey center.

the almond croissant ($4) was probably my favorite at proof. flakey, soft, with bits of almond slivers sprinkled with powdered sugar...what's not to love about it?!

the salted chocolate chip cookie ($2) was to die for as well. i've always loved, and always will love, the hint of salt in my sweets. this cookie by far was a sophisticated bite for any cookie monster.

i definitely feel lucky to live in silverlake and to have access to so many great, surrounding neighborhoods. just a short little drive takes me to proof bakery goods and cognoscenti coffee, a luxury any day of the week especially when one needs a coffee break badly. and trust me, when i'm not on vacation, i need coffee breaks really, really, badly.

Proof Bakery
Cognoscenti Coffee
3156 Glendale Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90039
(323) 664-8633
http://proofbakeryla.com/

price: $
verdict: omg, i love it!

tongue spasms at patisserie chantilly

if you have needs that must be fulfilled (not speaking of your carnal ones), PATISSERIE CHANTILLY in lomita is THE place to be to have your needs FULFILLED.

got thirst? quench it with some of their crema coffee ($3). the coffee won't be as mind blowing as some of the ones you might sip at bona fide coffee houses, but it does the trick and will perk you up real good.

got high cholesterol? a piping hot cup of their green tea ($2.50) chocked-full of antioxidant properties should help revitalize your fatty body. unfortunately for me, their cup was quite potent and bitter and for a recreational green tea drinker like me, the robust matcha flavors were slightly overpowering.

got scurvy? their cafe orange ($4.50) with coffee mousse and orange ganache will leave a slight citrus kiss on your tongue and help combat your vitamin c deficiency.....even though it's packaged in a million delicious calories.

got saggy facial wrinkles? partake in their le matcha cake ($4.50) to stall the effects of aging. the consumption of this delectable, slightly sweet, antioxidant laden cake will give you a natural face lift. though the matcha flavors were present in the matcha mousse, the earthy flavors were not at all overpowering like their cup of green tea. delightful.

got misplaced jealousy? patisserie chantilly's black and white cake, the othello, is filled with chocolate and sesame flavors, a murderous MUST order when you're here.

got some pounds to lose? this grapefruit gelee will happily replace your ho-hum grapefruit diet with some refreshing grapefruit juice, rum, and petite morsels of grapefruit flesh. this seasonal item is a MUST TRY as well and i'm pretty sure you will pucker your face in happiness while you consume it.

got a hole in your heart? holy shit eat this!! the choux aux sesames ($2.95) might possibly be the most delicious sweet thang i've noshed in a long time. the sesame flavors and smell reminded me of my grandmother and my mother toasting sesame seeds when they cooked, but the black sesame cream with the hint of honey in their toasted shells elevated these precious seeds to a rather sophisticated level. personally, i found the best bite to be the cap of this pate a choux with a dollop of the black sesame cream. dear lord, thank you.

not wanting to leave patisserie chantilly empty handed after that "holy shit" moment, d and i assembled a box of goodies, kept fresh with their 25 cent ice packs. each bite at home burned a desire in my soul to go back for more. and more. and more.

thank you danny for introducing us to this delicious gem in the south bay and to the talents of pastry chef keiko nojima! my treks to lomita will be frequent because of this patisserie AND sadly because i now have a sesame need that must be fulfilled. someone, please drive me :'(

Patisserie Chantilly
2383 Lomita Blvd #104
Lomita, CA 90717
(310) 257-9454

www.patisseriechantilly.com

price: $
verdict: holy shit!

pappaRich has super buttery buns!

destructive behavior means willingly engaging oneself in bad-for-you activities. for instance, like eating candy right before your dentist appointment or smoking crack. if you find yourself in the presence of this man, he will surely enable you in every single destructive way possible. don't let that happy smile fool ya. bad man.

he guards the entrance to his lair of badness....a lair known for especially entrapping people with muffin tops and those that swear that they won't eat badly anymore but end up DOING THE EXACT OPPOSITE. oh man, i confess...i'm one of THOSE. how the heck did i end up with greasy, buttery lips when i promised i wouldn't overindulge on random fats anymore? fail.

for $5.25, this combo snack did me in. their fragrant english tea washed down the buttery evidence left from their signature papparich bun.

and their bun. dear lord. this korean style bun has a layer of mocha cream paste on top which gets melted on the bun during the baking process. the resulting effect is a sweet, somewhat crunchy exterior. once you break into the bun, you reveal soft, pillowy bread innards AND an alarming pat of butter in the center that barely melted through. "holy crap, i just bought bigger pants yesterday!" i exclaimed once i took my initial bite. the sopping buttery middle was a little bit too much for me to enjoy so i ate around it like a beaver gnawing on tasty driftwood. although papparich has oodles of die hard fans, for once, the fatty in me actually thought it was too buttery and just.too.much. go figure.

i will probably give these buttery buns another try and only if they are piping hot. not to mention all the coffee choices that i did not partake in which warrants a second visit. till then, i give papparich a lukewarm high five.

PappaRich
100 W. Green St.
Pasadena, CA 91105
(626) 440-0009

www.papparichusa.com

price: $
verdict: it's aight

porto's makes me chonies tight

there are only 4 reasons why your underwear may suddenly feel tight.

1. you're bloating.
2. you accidently picked up your child's undies and thought they were yours.
3. you flipped your chonies around so that the back is the front and vice versa.
4. you ate too much at porto's.

when my underwear starts feeling tight, i know porto's is usually to blame. come on, cheap, good, sweet, and fried...such a recipe for disaster as i trade up my chonies for a larger size instead :(

horrible. awful. delicious. darn!



disgusting. fried. yummy. dang!

as you can see, my love-hate relationship with porto's can be summed up in these following heart clogging pictures and profuse use of repetitive adjectives:

cheese omelette in a sesame croissant ($3.25). served before 11am and guaranteed to hit the butter portion of your food pyramid. b-u-t-t-e-r......

the ropa vieja ($6.55). this sandwich did not rope me in with its flavors even though the ingredients sounded dynamite. what isn't there to love about cuban style shredded beef, bell peppers, onions, and tomato sauce in a cuban bread...unless it's SALTY and it was soooo salty. bleh.

the medianoche aka midnight sandwich ($3.65). between two slices of sweet roll lies slow roasted pork, ham, melty swiss cheese, pickles, and a slew of other condiments which makes your underwear tight. i think it's a tasty, hearty sandwich and a steal at that price. not to mention the pile of plantain chips too...yum!

the meat pie, or flaky disk of meaty love ($.70 each) is what i prefer to call them. puff pastry filled with seasoned ground beef. every savory bite leaves pastry freckles on your face. do get one or three.

potato balls ($.85 each). lovely, luscious, and absolutely addicting...a lot more interesting than the ones you have in your pants. the breaded exterior keeps the squishy mashed potato filling with seasoned ground beef from spilling out. do squeeze a little tapatio sauce on it before you bite because i promise you, you will have a mouthful of joy as you eat this shepard's pie-ish tasting spheres.

don't forget to order some desserts while you're at it. this apricot pastry was tasty and went well with the coffee. porto's is definitely known for their fruit tarts and cakes and is a truly wonderful place to pick up sweets for all occasions.

and do wash it all down with this virgin basil mojito ($2.95). a refreshing drink to counteract all the grease you will surely inhale when you're there.

the lines are always long and the weekends are the worse. but all you peoples, i must warn you once again that you WILL have tight underwear after this meal. trust me, i KNOW. as a matter of fact, i need to drop by the mall and pick a few bigger sized chonies. oh porto's...you, fat maker.

Porto's Bakery & Cafe
315 N. Brand Blvd.
Glendale, CA 91203
(818) 956-5996

www.portosbakery.net

price: $
verdict: omg, i love it!

diamond bakery for baked goods on the go

i need baked goods like a mole needs a long ass hair growing out of it. ugh, carbs be my poison and i find myself intoxicated with a carb high every time i wander through the sgv. depending on my gps, i typically find myself at diamond bakery. no ooohs and ahhs here, but it will do its job in padding your ass with some unforgiving fat.

most things are individually packaged which makes eating on the go that much easier. so rather than stuffing face with pathetic stale crackers during my break times, i can instead, stuff face with things 3x as fattening and 5x as filling like all these baked goods that you find here.

my beloved "triple nipples." these hawaiian sweet bread-like buns are sealed together but can be easily pulled apart to reveal three different types of filling in each bun; custard, taro, and red bean. three for one packages like razor blades, bar soaps, and sweet dessert buns rock my world.

the pineapple bun. there's a flakey crust to the top and a coconutty filling inside. it's a bit heavy but tasty.

coffee cake. nothing spectacular but it will cure a sweet tooth even though it's not too sweet which is why i like it.

curry meat pie. too much flakey crust. one bite will land a lot of crust on your shirt. one really big bite might actually get you some meat that's in the middle. unless you enjoy a lot of crust and not enough filling, this is not a product worth getting.

shredded meat bun. there's this lardlike shlack that goes on top and the middle of the bun and the shredded dried meat sticks to it. diamond bakery probably has one of the worst renditions of this bun because of the lard they use. seriously, it's nasty. here's the bun, looking like a bald head with new curly hair growth and pimples to boot.

so in general, i find this bakery to be a good place to pick up the triple nipples, the coffee cake, and the pineapple bun when i have a sweet tooth. although there's a plethora of other things to try here, i usually limit myself to those three aforementioned items because everything else is just aight or has technical issues...like fruits that aren't always the freshest when topped on their tarts. besides, i need extra carbs like a fat man needs a speedo. enough said!

Diamond Bakery
744 W Garvey Ave
Monterey Park, CA 91754
(626) 289-5172

price: $
verdict: it's aight