dizzyneland eats

Disneyland
1313 S Harbor Blvd
Anaheim, CA 92802
(714) 781-4000
disneyland.disney.go.com

price: $$$
verdict: it's aight

it's been over 5 years since i've last visited the happiest place on earth. if you are guessing las vegas, then you are so WRONG and it is obvious that you don't know me at all because i would never let that much time elapse between me and sin city. i'm talking about disneyland folks, good ole disneyland. a wacko place full of mice, helpless white women, and children that never grow up.

instead of boring you with stories of long rides and overpriced merchandise, lets talk about food at the happiest place on earth. i arrived right about breakfast time and i knew i had to get the infamous hand dipped corn dog (breakfast of champions) from the red wagon on main street. fyi, it is located right next to the "first aid" entry in case you get horrible belly aches from bad mouse food during the day.

um, hello. DELICIOUS. yes, delicious. a corndog with a bag of chips will set you back $6.

i bit into the corndog and heard the most delicious crunch ever. awaiting me was a suprisingly soft inner shell with a slight sweetness to it. the salty dog added good protein (relatively) and i was smitten by this $6 food on a stick.

then it was off to adventureland for more eating. a stop at bengal bbq yielded:

a spicy beef skewer and the safari skewer which was basically bacon wrapped asparagus.

in a duel to see which skewer would reign supreme, the bacon wrapped asparagus won hands down. first of all, bacon always wins. if you wrap a shoe with bacon, it would probably taste good. it also helped that the spicy beef skewer was tough. the sauce was not spicy at all and reminded me of tough meat smothered in generic bbq sauce. i could have done without it. in fact, i could have done WITHOUT the dueling skewers. they were far from delicious and robbed me of precious caloric points that could have been used for other decadent meals.

my friend wanted to try the popular "dole whip" at the tiki juice bar in adventureland which is some sort of pineapple ice cream. i only took a scoop and a sip of it since i was expanding exponentially and needed to pace myself. the dole whip was airy and fluffy, but had a distinctive generic verging on mass produced plastic taste to it. although mighty pretty to look at, there the accolades ended. it was tasty for a scoop or two. after that, you should probably hand it off to your brother or sister.

then yaddy yadda LINES, yaddy yadda WAITING, yaddy yadda RIDES, and doing it all over again. time to eat now....whut?! yup, a late lunch was called for and we found ourselves in new orleans square at cafe orleans. it's located right next to the blue bayou and there was a short 15 minute wait. once seated, the ordering frenzy (and eating) began. we started off with the pommes frite which were skinny fries sprinkled with parmesean cheese and cilantro. the dip was a cajun inspired thousand island dressing. VERY GOOD. hit all the fried, mayoey, cheesy parts of the food pyramid.

i ordered the infamous monte cristo sandwich that costs a gazillion bucks at the blue bayou but costed a mere $15.99 at cafe orleans. this heart attack is a ham and turkey sammich with cheese, dipped in batter and then fried till it's golden brown. a light dusting of powdered sugar enhanced the savoriness of the sandwich. a berry jam was also provided with the sammich in case you wanted to further heighten the sweet/savory contrast. it was rather delicious though i couldn't consume it all myself. a definite must order if i find myself there again.

my friend ordered the cajun blackened chicken ceasar salad. as pretty as it looked, it FAILED. the chicken was tasteless and oils from the dead bird pooled around the salad leaving an oily lettuce mess. the only edible parts were the top few leaves and a slice or two of chicken.

this anti-jenny craig late lunch ended with an order of mickey mouse beignets which are the southern version of a donut. however, the texture was a bit dry so if you're thinking of light, cakey, and crispy creamish, this would not be it. the beignets are heavily rained on with powdered sugar and comes with two types of sweet dip; a jam and a watery custard dip reminiscent of beard papa's custard filling.

though it was clearly a mickey mouse masacre, i would not order them again. i am spoiled by cakey softness so hard textured desserts on my pampered tongue does not agree with me. die, mickey, die.

after more waiting, more lines, and more rides, it was near closing time and the belly spoke again. this time, we grabbed a philly cream cheese pretzel which my sister had sworn her soul on claiming it was a must have at disneyland. man, i don't know what's going to happen to her soul, but the pretzel wasn't all that. it was suprisingly sweet but not great enough to devote the small space in my belly for a last chance meal at the happiest place on earth. i only took a bite of it and ran for my first love.....

my night ended with my beloved red wagon corn dog and a message to remind me that disneyland is a place "where dreams come true...." NOT. NO. THAT'S A LIE.

shit i was full.